20-somethings need to stop being transient in their relationships

If you’re anything like me, you live to build meaningful relationships and friendships. If you’re anything like me, quality reigns over quantity any day. I won’t suscribe to the popularity contest because I have been too unconvential for that anyway. If there is anything I absolutely hate about being in my twenties it is how transient and superficial people my age are, thus making it a huge task to bond with people and nurture relationships the way I would like to. I hate it with every fiber of my being. I know anybody regardless of age can be superficial and transient, but this seems to occurs at higher rates for 20-somethings. I also worry that this attitude toward relationships is becoming a generational trait.

I could go on and make excuses for why 20-somethings are so transient and disloyal, but I won’t. Frankly I don’t give two flying hoots why they are transient. The only thing I care about is that there is no reason for it. If you ask me, for all its advantages, technology is a major culprit. If anything technology should make it easier for you to keep in touch and bond with people, it shouldn’t be a crutch as to why you can’t! There are just way too many options out there!

1. When you set a date for anything, STICK TO IT. There is a study out there that found that the advent of technology, namely cell phones, has given people an excuse to be late all the time. Because it is so easy to ring someone up and cancel at the last minute. This is great news for when you have emergencies, as cell phones were intended for. But this is becoming a habit for many people even when it is NOT an emergency. Things do crop up and people understand if you have to cancel. Ten to twenty minutes late is not a big deal if you call ahead. But overdo it (it’s a fine line) and you will find yourself being labeled flaky and unreliable very quickly. That is not the image you want to project whether it is with your family, your friends, your coworkers, or your clients. No one will take you seriously.

2. Stop thinking about what you can get from somebody; instead think about what you can give them. Sure there are a lot of users and abusers out there, but that doesn’t mean you need to become one. Besides you will never attract quality people or maintain quality relationships if you don’t stop being so self-centered. It’s not always about you and what you can get out of it. In the long run, humans are social creatures and contrary to what you believe, you cannot run the world alone. Life becomes immensely easier when you are surrounded by people you care about and who care about you back. This works for anybody – from your most personal relationship down to your most impersonal one.

3. Become more genuinely interested in people. Small talk is a great ice breaker, but it doesn’t end there. It takes much more effort than friending someone on Facebook to get to know someone. Ask questions, make time to hang out casually even if its a few times a year, join the person in doing something they are interested in. Of course not everyone can be genuinely interested in everyone, so if you’re not interested… STOP leading people on! This doesn’t mean to stop being polite. This is about stopping the flaky behavior, such as making plans and then canceling them at the last minute because you really didn’t want to hang out with someone anyway! Most people know that if you are really interested in them as a friend you will make time for them when you can. People like when other people are genuinely interested in them and they are more likely to reciprocate that interest. This is the basis of meaningful relationships. Make an effort and be the first one to reach out!

4. Making new friends does not mean you have to let go of your old friends. Having old friends does not mean you can’t have new friends. I think this speaks for itself. Exposing yourself to new people and new ideas is great for the mind and I am all for it. But it doesn’t have to mean that your old friendships should die off needlessly if all of your friends don’t have the same interests. We all have many interests that probably won’t match up 100% with any one person. Maintaining friendships which cultivate the different parts of yourself will bring you up as a person overall. Besides it is mentally draining to have a different set of friends every year. I don’t know about you but the process of constantly getting to know people all over again in order to replace old friends can get tiresome and lonely.

I know that Gen Y is all about being on the fast track and exposing yourself to new experiences, new jobs, and new opportunities all the time. Gen Y is breaking barriers and perceptions about stability, career, and how you live your life in general. But the one thing that Gen Y cannot change is the basis of meaningful friendships and relationships. The general idea behind friendships and relationships have not changed since man started walking on two feet. Are we arrogant enough to think we can change that now?

**If you’re new here and enjoyed this post, be sure to subscribe for future posts and updates. And feel free to share this post … I’d really appreciate it! Don’t forget to introduce yourself in the comments. Don’t be shy … I don’t bite. You can also add me on Twitter (@valeriemondesir).**

Related posts:

1. Being an amazing friend (and why you need to move beyond technology)
2. No, your friends won’t be better if you feed them manure.
3. Make this year your year (and every year after that)
4. Part 1: Bad boys and shoe closets aren't on my list of things to do before I'm 30.
5. You don’t need permission to not “finish” what you start