Being an amazing friend (and why you need to move beyond technology)

As someone who spent most of their lives being the lone wolf, I’m learning more and more that I’m imposing unnecessary barriers on myself with this ‘loner’ mentality. And there are many people out there who can relate to what I’m saying. By far, we’re probably part of the most isolated generation to date.

Thanks to the advance of technology, there’s simply no need to actually see people regularly to get a point across or have a meaningful conversation. You can ‘meet’ people you would have never known otherwise because they live halfway across the globe.

But for all of its advantages, technology is missing one important element. And if you’re reading this (probably because you spend a lot of time with your eyes glued to a screen), you know exactly what that element is.

Technology is a tool, but not a solution.

Technology definitely is missing a certain human element to it. I’ve talked about how ASL can make you a better communicator by improving your nonverbal communication skills. But this isn’t about ASL. What I’m trying to say is this: reading a bunch of words on a page or watching a well-made video doesn’t really tell the whole story, no matter how elegantly the point was made. It falls short of making up for the type of human bonding we all need to build meaningful and sustaining friendships and relationships.

Does it mean we need to ditch technology all together? Of course not. Technology by itself isn’t the problem. Our lack of effort to move things beyond technology is.

Be an amazing friend to have amazing friends

So yea, loneliness sucks. And crappy friends suck more. What are we going to do about it? One of the cardinal rules I try to apply in my life is this: if you want to have a great circle of amazing friends, you must be an amazing friend yourself.

Everyone likes to think they’re already an amazing friend. Even I do. But that’s ironic because if that’s true, then why is the world full of crappy, dysfunctional relationships? I was recently talking to a good friend of mine that people do not know how to listen, and that’s the root problem.

Without listening, there’s no basis for deeper bonds. Without consistent and honest communication, chemistry will fizzle out and rapport will always be shallow.

Grab your free sample of “How-to-be-an-amazing-friend” pixie dust today

I bet you think I’m going to write a list of things to do that will automatically make you an amazing friend. Well, sorry, but you’re shit outta luck today.

Being an amazing friend isn’t about following a list. Following a list is inauthentic and amazing friends aren’t inauthentic. Amazing friends aren’t perfect; they’re imperfectly perfect. With all the good stuff comes the annoying “I-just-want-to-shake-the-bejesus-outta-that-mofo” stuff. And through it all, they’re still willing to lend an ear, a hand, a leg, whatever.

That’s what makes them amazing. They’re them and they know it.

Really, it all starts with yourself and you not hiding behind your screens

I think we all know how to be an amazing friend and we have to ability to be an amazing friend. However, many of us are misguided. Many of us have jacked-up priorities. And too many of us are way too self-centered.

In the end being amazing friend to others starts with being an amazing friend to ourselves. Sounds contradictory, but stay with me here.

We’re our best selves when we’re completely honest with ourselves whether we’re happy or not. When we’re honest about doing something right and when we make a mistake. And especially when we’re honest about being scared to death.

Technology has become a buffer for our fears, as we now hide behind our words. You tell me how does that promote honesty, in spite all of the transparency we claim to have online?

And if you can’t be honest with yourself how can you be honest with others? How can you even begin to really hear someone, if you don’t even bother to hear yourself out?

Real human bonds are the stuff of life

If all this sounds like a process, you’re right … it is. Great relationships take time to build. There’s no instant cure here, and no magic list.

For most of my life it has been a mission of mine to build strong bonds with people and I’m still working on it and learning to this day. I’ve made a lot of mistakes and I’ve beat myself up quite a bit along the way, but I think it’s all worth you. All the people I met along the way made it totally worth it.

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Related posts:

1. 20-somethings need to stop being transient in their relationships
2. Are you barely alive non-verbally? Why American Sign Language can improve your life
3. Obligatory post in which I babble about authenticity, imperfection, negativity, and then somehow throw Thanksgiving into the mix.
4. Why I got a restraining order from Facebook
5. Get rid of dead weight: Channel frustration into creative ideas into action

Tagged as: friendship, honesty, human bonds, imperfection, Relationships, technology