How well do you know yourself? Your desires? Your dreams? If you’re like most people you’re in good company: you probably don’t know much at all. I can sympathize with you because I am on the same boat.
There’s no right way to do anything…
Everyone has a suggestion for how to discover yourself and to live your life fearlessly. Some of the suggestions I’ve heard (and used) are to create a vision board, keep a journal or a blog, travel to different countries, getting a mentor, working several jobs until you find the one you like, etc. The list just goes on. I have nothing against these things. I have utilized most of them at some point and I think the benefits are highly dependent on how a person uses these methods and not the particular method.
One thing I find that works best for me (in conjunction with the other methods) is to question myself regularly. A little self doubt is not a bad thing because it helps you to sit back and find out your motives behind making a certain decision and really to understand your thought process. I am not saying to second-guess every decision you make, because overanalysis is definitely NOT conducive to good health and sanity. But taking the time to shut down once a month or so and reflect on your decisions and actions can be a good thing. Nobody knows you better than you do and if you can’t understand yourself, how can you truly expect anybody else to?
The road to hell is paved with good intentions…
I know I may be twisting the meaning of this quote. But hiding from yourself only to discover that you’ve been living a lie is a living hell in my book. The fastest way to do that is to live through other people’s idea of happiness. Blindly following second opinions from your close friends and your family is often safe but these people may not have your best interests at heart even if they (or you) think they do. As a matter of fact, being too conservative (as families and good friends often tend to be) can be stifling and can keep you from growing to your full potential.
While my parents have been a great source of useful advice I often wonder if they are being too cautious and not open-minded enough for me to live my own life. They don’t seem to be as happy in life as they could be and yet they want me to take the same cautious advice they took when they were young. Where would that leave me in 20 years? In the same spot they are, of course. And so the cycle continues.
When you come from a strict family like mine, it is very hard to simply ignore their advice because there is a lot of pressure to live up to a certain standard. It makes you very dependent on outside forces when it comes to making crucial decisions in your life. I’m learning to take familial and friendly advice with a grain of salt. Especially when it comes from people who care about you, you should consider the advice carefully. But ultimately your decision rests on what YOU want to do no matter how uncomfortable it might seem. And you will never know yourself by having others make decisions for your (consciously or unconsciously) or by surrounding yourself by people constantly in attempt to drown out your confusion and your internal voice.
You can run but you can’t hide…
I honestly believe that you will never be able to drown out your inner voice permanently. It will come back and bite you. It may take 5 years or it may take 50. You may be on your deathbed but it will come back to bite you right before you die. I don’t know about you but I am a terrible liar and I cannot lie even to myself for long much less for 50 years! I lie to myself and it works for a couple of weeks until all the confusion finds its way back to the surface. I believe this is because I spend a lot of time by myself and I have a lot of time to think and reflect. I basically have nowhere to hide from my thoughts.
For me anyway, it is important to have this time to myself. I am a big time introvert and being surrounded by people all the time is extremely draining to me. My hearing loss plays a huge part in my introvert tendencies as well. As much as I hate the internal confusion I deal with regularly, I’d rather face that than face external pressure from people who try to live voraciously through me. I’m learning to embrace confusion as a tough, old friend who is trying to teach me a lesson or two about myself.
I don’t claim to know myself yet. I’m still very confused about what my purpose is and what it takes for me to be happy. In the meantime I need to continue living and doing what I have to to do the pay bills. I think confusion has no concept of age. I think even old people with all kinds of life experiences under their belt become confused. Maybe they are just better at concealing their confusion than the 20-something college student who spends 10 years in college collecting degrees or changing majors several times. We are just so afraid of confusion and uncertainty that it blocks us from really knowing ourselves. But I don’t think it necessarily means that we should quit our jobs when we have a mortgage to pay or anything like that.
Simply subscribing to a religion or a method isn’t enough…
I think that taking the time to be by yourself and seriously questioning yourself can be beneficial to everyone. It might come under different names: religion, meditation, prayer, maybe even daydreaming. But I feel that the label isn’t as important as the message. I feel that people use those labels as another way to hide from confusion. I’ve seen people hide behind the concept of God/Allah/Buddha/Flying Spaghettis/aliens/what-have-you and twist the meaning behind religion and meditation in order to hide from their own insecurities. But I feel like they completely miss the point. In the end we’ve still got to acknowledge the confusion and learn to embrace it in order to become more comfortable with ourselves.
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