This post is a long time coming and I hope fellow blogger Jeremy will excuse me for that! : ) But I’m always ecstatic when any of my friends create something out of their bare hands and I always try to support them when and however I can. So, of course, I’m going to spread the word whether I’m asked to or not, and I wasn’t in this case. Of course, this is not a sponsor and I’m not getting paid in any way for this.

The book is called Eglathia, the first book written by Jeremy Noel Johnson, and it is the first of a series. It is a young adult fantasy genre about a seemingly average, basketball-toting young man named Liam who is actually not so average at all. He is transported to a troubled world where he slowly finds out things about himself and his family that he always had questions about, such as why he has trouble controlling his inexplicable anger.

I enjoyed the book a lot. I could easily relate to Liam, the main character, and I felt for some of the difficulties he faced in the story. He wasn’t perfect and was easily swayed a few times by his own emotions, but he remained humble. The story itself started up a bit slow, but picked up the pace about halfway through and the ending has a few interesting twists to them. Like most people, I really like a book that’s not so predictable and a few questions are left hanging so the reader can ponder on it. The creativity is definitely there and the only negative I would say about that is the creativity isn’t expounded on enough for my liking.

When reading books in general, and fantasy / sci fi in particular, I tend to like my books on the meatier side with lots of details and descriptions. That’s where the  bulk of the creativity lies in these type of books, as opposed to another genre like plays where the creativity is channeled into wordplay and the like within the dialogue. Eglathia, however, focuses a bit too heavily for my liking on dialogue to convey the story and all the mysteries surrounding Liam’s arrival on the new world. If you prefer meatier books with more details, then Eglathia may be a little too lean, but everyone is different. Liam’s character kept the story engaging for me, but the lean details made it a little difficult to connect with the surroundings of the new world and caused me to become somewhat frustrated with and suspicious of some of the supporting characters.

The supporting characters would repeatedly bring up little details or hint at certain things when questioned by Liam and then retract them, leaving the reader hanging, probably one too many times. Again, this does create a great build-up which I like and it is good for creating mystery, so it made me want to read more to find out what the characters were hiding. But I personally enjoy it much more when a story twists with very little warning.  It’s that more scandalous that way, if you know what I mean, and scandal sells.

That said, Eglathia is not lacking for any story twists and I found the ending to be a very satisfying ending, in that it wasn’t predictable and it left me wanting more. Towards the end of the book, I simply could not put it down and tore through the last few chapters within a couple of hours. For a first book, I think this is a great accomplishment and it takes a lot of courage to not fall into the same formulaic templates that most new authors settle for.

In summary, if you are looking for an easy read with a punch of creativity to it and an unpredictable ending, I highly recommend Eglathia. It is available on Kindle for quick and easy access. Go on, now!

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- I have two more Euro trip posts coming up, and I’ve actually finished writing the Barcelona post, but the thought of inserting and editing all the pictures into the posts is what’s preventing me from publishing them. At this rate I’ll never publish the last two posts until 2013. Ah well, sue me.

- Once I realized that I’m more of a sprinter and I’m SO not a distance runner, running has become so much more enjoyable for me. D’oh! I will probably never be that person who runs marathons and half marathons — and I’m cool with it! And thank goodness because running is the quickest and easiest way to get some exercise in regularly, especially when I’m in a time crunch and inclined to put it off until forever. Not that I needed to lose any weight, but I’m dropping a few pounds and toning up quite nicely if I may say so myself!

- I’m currently reading The Game of Thrones and it is quite good! There are multiple characters in the book and each chapter speaks from the perspective of a different character. I normally don’t like reading books in that format, but George R.R. Martin pulls it off nicely. The last book I read was The Hunger Games, which I devoured during my nine-hour flight to London. I also went to see the movie and I really liked it. I hated the part when Rue died. No, I didn’t cry… something got into my eye. ; )

- One of my bestest friends in the world is flying into the U.S. later this month and from there we will be taking an impromptu trip to one of our most favorite cities in the world – NYC! I know, I know: Just under a month ago I swore off airports for at least another 6 months, but hey. I’m UBER excited, I can barely contain it! The last time I saw her was when she flew in for my and another friend’s birthday last year as a surprise and I had so much fun. We have this tradition from our undergraduate days of going to Toojay’s or a similar breakfast place and having a brunch of waffles… so we will be having a brunch date, as well.

Did I say I’m SO, SO excited?? *squeals*

- Speaking of birthdays, this year is an important birth year for me. I need to start planning that stuff now and stop flying under the radar for my birthday like I usually do. Problem is, I have no clue what to do. Anyway, these milestones only come around once in a lifetime!

- The weather has been quite ugly with the constant overcast skies and the torrid downpours. But I mostly don’t mind it. That is, when I’m not commuting. It makes for great lounging!

- I recently landed a freelance gig that pays really, really well for only a few days of work. And just in time because I am on serious saving mode. Hmm, maybe I need to start taking this freelance business stuff a lot more serious…

- I sincerely believe that I am my own good luck charm. Not that luck is everything, as I prefer to believe I create my own destiny. But even when I feel like everything is going straight to hell or when I’m doubting all the decisions I’ve made, I always end up right where I wanted — no, needed — to be. My gut/instinct/subconsciousness has rarely led me astray. : ) I truly believe more people should just follow their gut.

- My dad told me of how his pilot friend took him flying in a small aircraft to Orlando and he didn’t tell any of us about it until after the fact. He got to fly for a bit while they were up in the air. I am mouth-frothingly jealous, of course. However, my dad told me he would hook me up with the pilot friend for lessons. So…. *starts stuffing money into my flight lessons savings account*

That’s all I got for now… what’s new with you?

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My sister and I have a very close and healthy sibling relationship, and that relationship is something I consider to be one of the best things in my life. If it weren’t for the age difference, we could have easily been twins. However, my sister and I have noticed that our relationship is the exception, not the rule. And you know what, that makes me really sad because at best a sibling is sort of like a built-in best friend (when done right) — most other people fall in and out of your life, but your sibling is your sibling for life. My sister and I always joke that we’re stuck with each other (cue evil laugh), especially when one of us is pissed the other.

Now I totally understand that every family has skeletons in the closet and that not every sibling is the type of sibling that is easy to build a close relationship with. Some sisters and brothers are hopeless causes, and no matter what YOU do to cultivate a relationship, they’ll find away to sabotage it. So it definitely does take two willing parties to accomplish this and if, despite all your efforts, you can’t do it — then it’s really not your fault. However, it takes two people to have a sibling rivalry. Even if your sibling does not cooperate, you still have a choice in whether you participate or not. If you don’t fuel the fire, you will get at least some peace of mind.

I will say, though, that much like any other relationship (platonic or romantic), a sibling relationship takes work. Work means introspective work and actually cooperating with them. So just because things haven’t always been easy between you and your sibling, doesn’t mean it’s not possible for you two to have a better relationship in the future. I didn’t always get along with my sister. In fact I went through a large chunk of time when I didn’t particularly like my sister and I had jealousy/competition issues on my part.

You see, I was an only child for several years before my sister came along. While I was excited at first to be getting a little sister, it quickly got old for me when I realized I had share my parents with this other person. It got old when I would get in trouble over minor things my sister did (like color on the wall — guess who had to clean it up?). It got old when she wanted to tag along doing everything I was doing.

The other thing is, my sister and I have different personalities. While I am the more introspective, slow-to-warm-up sort (even as a child), my sister is much more perky and social than I.  This was just her personality, however, I often felt like I was living under my sister’s shadow (although I’m sure my sister would say the same thing about me, for different reasons). Anybody who has a sibling that is much more social or popular or attention-grabbing (whether through good or bad drama) knows what I’m talking about. It really wasn’t easy for me the first decade or so of living with her.

I know it sounds silly to bring up these little childhood issues. It doesn’t sound like a big deal in hindsight, and it isn’t. But if left untended these early-year interactions set the tone for a lot of ongoing sibling rivalries — particularly the ones that go on throughout adulthood. I know of siblings who constantly fight and they don’t even know why or what they’re fighting for, other than the fact that they’ve always been fighting from the get-go. Sometimes they know why they’re fighting, but they continue to let it fester because that’s the only way they know how to have a relationship.

1. Your sibling is NOT your (true) competition. You are. 

Having the attitude that your sibling is the competition is probably the root of all sibling rivalries. It is a destructive attitude to have when trying to cultivate a better sibling relationship. Unfortunately, some parents encourage this attitude by playing favorites or treating one sibling more favorably than another. Also, some people naturally have a more competitive spirit and it seeps into everything they do and everyone they interact with, including their relationships with their siblings.

I do give my sister the credit for being the more accepting person between the two of us (perhaps because she’s never been an only child and never had to struggle with the issue of “sharing”), as most of these competitive issues were really my own. However, I still had to take the initiative to do all the introspective work since my sister was much too young to communicate those issues on a deeper level. I learned a lot about myself, I learned a lot about my sister, and I learned a lot of about dealing with conflict.

What helped me to get over my feeling of competitiveness is when I realized that when my sister does well, I benefit from it as well — even if it’s just by association. My sister doing well also motivates me to find my own ways to do well in life. Conversely, if she does badly, then it drags me down indirectly. So it’s in my best interest to help her do as well as she can in whatever strengths that she has and vice versa. When several relatives in a family does well, then the family also rises collectively.

It sounds like a selfish reason to help someone, but it’s actually a win-win situation. You want your sibling to do well, because if your sibling does not do well then he or she will not be a positive person to have a relationship with. Your sibling also benefits from having a support network (you) — and they are in a better position to return that support. Because this person is your family, it’s almost impossible to NOT have a relationship with them — so why not make the most of it?

The second thing I realized is this. Whenever I felt like I was in competition with my sister, I realized that it was more about me than it was about her. This is where I really had to get introspective about what my own issues were. I had to get out of the victim mentality and not tell myself helpless things like, “If it weren’t for her, I wouldn’t have to deal with X.” Instead I had to ask myself,  for example: “Why did it bother me that my sister was far more social and bubbly than I was?” I realized that it was because that’s what I wanted for myself; I felt like something was wrong with me and that I was deficient in some way. It really wasn’t my sister’s fault, or anyone’s fault, that she tends to be one way and I tend to be another.

At first it made me want to strive to be more social and I tried that for years. That’s what most competitive siblings do, as a knee-jerk reaction. I finally learned though, that being a social butterfly is not my biggest strength. While I can be very gregarious in spurts, I realized that my best “self” really shines when I focus on cultivating my own strengths than when I try to be someone I’m really not. Being very social has its time and place in my world — it’s just a tool, and not a constant state of being for me as it is for my sister… and I learned to accept that. I learned that I’m better at other things that my sister is not so great at. All of this is not a bad reflection on me, nor does it means she is better than me overall. Which brings me to my next point.

2. Embrace differences and learn to complement each other.

As I said in the last point, different people have different strengths. Just because your sibling is really good at one thing doesn’t mean they are better than you as a person. It just means they happen to be good at this thing. You probably have things that you are better at than your sibling that they wish they could tap into. I’m not saying this so that you can rub it on your siblings face, but so you can tap into each other’s strengths and pull each other up.

I find certain things about my sister extremely exhausting and even infuriarting. Like how she can meet a stranger and talk to them for hours about nothing like they’ve known each other for years – then walk away from them not really knowing much about that person (like their names!). She also has a difficult time staying on topic. Sometimes having a conversation with her is like being trapped in the movie “Inception”… it’s a story within a story within a story, until both of us forgets exactly what the original story was. We usually get a good laugh over it, but it’s hair-pulling when it’s a more serious topic and the other person interrupts you to say, “Ooo, look at the shiny object…” LOL!

Literally, everywhere I go with this girl, she runs into a handful of people she knows, when personally, I just want to be in and out of the store and move about my day. She is also the kind of person that loves having people around her all the time. So having people walk in and out of her living space all day is like heaven. On the negative side, she doesn’t like doing things unless other people are around doing with her.

I’m not like that. I don’t like random people trampling up and down my living space all day long (which I consider an haven away from the outside world). I have sometimes have a difficult time socializing in large groups for very long and would much rather do something with a few friends or one-on-one. And I have no problems getting out of the house and doing things on my own (although I do admit it is more enjoyable to do things with someone you like hanging out with).

On the other hand, I’m sure I infuriate her in different ways also. I tend to want to dig deeper into things and I ask a trillion questions. I’m terrible at small talk because of that. You know that annoying stage where little kids ask, “Why? Why? Why?” That’s how I am when I get into that “mode” and it’s like a bad itch if I feel like I can’t ask. But sometimes life isn’t like that. Sometimes it’s not about digging deeper, it’s just about enjoying things as they are and my sister gets that. So she’s not always inquiring about why and how, and she sometimes doesn’t get why I’m asking all these questions — nor does she have the answers.  If I’m not careful, I can turn what should be a light-hearted conversation into a social commentary of society’s greatest failings, or something.

I also have a tendency to bury myself into all sorts of projects and I sometimes forget about any concept of time. Basically I can entertain myself and I’m interesting to be around in a different way, but sometimes it is to the detriment of other things that need to be done. This is why, for example, while my family loves my cooking, they’ll end up waiting til 6 or 7pm to eat (they usually like eating earlier) because I’ll forget to start cooking because I’m totally immersed in something else. I know this drives sometimes my sister crazy because she has a more acute sense of what needs to be done now as opposed to what can be done later.

But this is why I sometimes love taking my sister to large social activities I attend or other social settings I am awkward in, especially if I’m not feeling all that social, because she acts like a social lubrication. I know it sounds funny, but it’s true. She just kind of keeps things going in that situation because she is very socially intense, and I’m just happy in the background conversing with a few people. Sometimes her being there gives me a bit more “oomph” or she’ll pull me into it a little more than I normally would have. Sometimes my sister gets a little too intense and it freezes people in their tracks and I kind of bring her down to earth after a bit just because I’m a lot more calm and it calms her down. This is an example of how I benefit by association and how we complement each others differences.

Conversely, my sister has gotten stuck a few times in her life and needed some guidance. Because I’m highly introspective and I dig deeper into “why” and “how,” I’m often able to help her get out of ruts or guide her into a certain direction. I had to sit down with her and prod her about what she wanted to do by asking questions that forced her to think about her goals and how to get there by being strategic about it, and not just waiting for it to fall on her lap. I’m the one who gently pushed her to go away for college, despite my parents’ protestations, because I understood her personality and I could see how much she would benefit in a different situation. She couldn’t see that far at the time because she was nervous about it and was more concerned with giving up her comfort zone in the short term.

3. Figure out your conflict management style and don’t let things fester.

Even if you get really good at the first two points, you are still going to run into conflicts. People are going to see things differently and you’re not always going to agree with it.

Despite this, it is possible to live with someone without feeling like you need to constantly fight or live in dysfunction to have an interesting or valid relationship. But in order to do that you need to identify and nip serious potential conflicts in the bud before they get out of control. You really need to figure out which conflict management style works best between you and your siblings in a way that doesn’t let important issues fester for long. You also have to understand that, even though you are used to one conflict manegement style, different conflicts require different handling techniques.

Not all issues are worth fighting over and not all issues are equally important. So someone leaving the towel on the floor doesn’t require the same combat that, say, emotional abuse requires. My sister has some very OCDish tendencies that can get a little annoying, but I’ve learned to ignore most of it because in the long run it’s not really that serious to the functioning of the relationship. As I said before, I can sometimes forget about any concept of time or I just bite off far more than I can chew, so my sister for the most part leaves me be when I’m in a zone unless it’s clearly important.

My sister and I have disagreements but they don’t happen on a daily or even weekly basis, and even then, they aren’t really intense. The last really intense argument we had was years ago. We don’t get into very intense disagreements for three main reasons:

a) we try to bring up issues before the issue gets intense enough to fuel an equally intense argument;

b) if one of us is losing level-headedness or getting too emotional in the middle of the argument, we take a break or try to change the direction/tone of the argument;

c) if one of us clearly made a mistake, we quickly acknowledge it and apologize for that mistake.

And of course, successful conflict management means that both parties take something away from the conflict and try to apply some of it in the future. Otherwise the same conflicts will keep happening. If one conflict management style isn’t accomplising that, then another style needs to be applied.

In effect, it’s not about winning or losing … or even getting the other person to completely agree with everything you say. It’s about coming to a middle ground so that both people can get their point across in a way that is not too distorted by emotions or something else. So if one person is getting really emotional or losing control, then shouting at them, bringing up old arguments, or talking more about the issue in that particular way is clearly not going to accomplish the goal of reaching a middle ground. You either need to take a time out so both people can calm down or you need to change something about the disagreement, like the tone of speech or you may need to reframe the issue.

Lastly, you need to let go of some of your ego and be willing to admit that you may have played a part in a particular issue. Don’t wait for the other person to force it out of you, because denying stuff that you are ashamed or embarrassed to admit serves no one. It’s far better when you learn to recognize something you’re not doing quite right and quickly admit it/apologize. This calls for keen self-awareness of your actions and how they come across to other people. It is true that one person is usually the trigger or plays a large part in perpetrating the issue, but most issues are not just the fault of one person — both people usually play a part. Admitting that maybe you may have helped the issue along even if you aren’t the “major” player is one way to disarm the other person and bring them down to the common ground, because they see that you are not just pointing the finger at them.

Also, admitting that maybe you aren’t good at conflict management (e.g. if you are a yeller or if you shut down) and asking for their help working on it is another way to disarm the other person. This works if you are genuine about it. Admitting that you may have played a part doesn’t make you “wrong” or “right” or that you’re going to “lose” the argument. If both of you reach a common ground, you both “win.”

— — —

Wrap-up

No sibling relationship is perfect (although, dare I say it, my sister and I come pretty darn close ). 

All sibling  relationships have all sorts of imbalances and points of tension/conflict/competition. A few ”Achille’s heels”, you could say. So it really does take continuous effort from both people to keep it running smoothly, even if the two of you naturally get along very, very well. Even if you don’t have the support and willingness of your own sibling, you can still apply these techniques in a way that gives you a peace of mind. Regardless of your current sibling relationship, try to look at it as a motivation to better yourself. Your sibling, whether they are supportive or not, acts as a mirror to your own issues and that can be a valuable tool if you turn it into something that can better your life and your relationships with other people.

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I often see the world “classy” being thrown around and the word seems to have a different meaning depending on the person saying it. I can’t fairly speak for others but I can speak for myself in what “classy” means to me.

First of all, why is being “classy” important?

• It instills a sense of pride, self-respect, and self-confidence by raising the standards for oneself.
• When done correctly, it demonstrates respect and courtesy towards other people as well.
• It helps make the world a better place (classy people tend to “give back”).
• As a result, it opens more doors socially – which consequently leads to more opportunities (e.g. networking, professional, romantic, etc.).

So being a classy person benefits nearly everyone around, even if the favor isn’t returned equally.

A lot of people do seem to think that being classy primarily means driving a certain car or wearing certain kinds of clothing and looking stylish, or having a certain amount of money. And it is true that a lot (but not all) of classy people carry and dress themselves in a certain way; but I like to think of these physical indicators as one of the possible effects and not the cause of being classy.

Despite the word “class” being in the word “classy,” classy itself has nothing to do with what we call social class or which socioeconomic group you are in. Perhaps, the word class was originally intended to mean that, embodying the upper crust of society and their mannerisms. These people were also obligated to take care of the people under them, because there was no large ”self-sustaining” middle class as we know it today. I am not saying that all of these upper-crust people were all noble and that they fulfulled their obligations fully or fairly. But these people did have some responsibility to their “subjects.”

However these days, just about anyone can look the part of any social class they want, if they really wanted to. Many people do not feel like they have an obligation to anyone but themselves. If you look great, have a nice car, have a high-prestige career, and yet you are crass towards others and look down on people, then you wouldn’t BE classy. You just look it – and that, I suppose, is enough for some people — and it works for them. Fair enough. I just like to look into things more deeply and try to understand the why’s and how’s of these things.

For me, anyway, ”classy” above all means having respect for humanity as a whole and for people as individuals. It means understanding that there are different perspectives in the world that are not like your own – and understanding that there is room for all kinds of perspectives, even if you may not agree with them. There are many ways to express this appreciation for people, and that is why I believe it’s so hard to define what classy is or point out a classy person. There is really no one set way to “act” in order to be classy, as long as those actions are generally considerate and respectful of others.

Some of the ways I think of respect for humanity manifesting itself:

- Helping someone without expecting something in return (volunteering one’s time or resources). Even the classiest of people aren’t completely altruistic in that they wouldn’t continue giving to a parasite while totally draining their own resources and emotional energy. So I’m not advocating being a mule who takes on everyone’s burden. Part of having respect for humanity means having respect for yourself and you mental/emotional health – and if you aren’t well, then it’s difficult to accomplish anything else.

In truth most people who give something away are getting something out of it, even if it is just a feeling of personal satisfaction (which can mean more than money). It’s more of a mindset or an intention: doing something for others without constantly worrying about a “bottom line” or viewing everything as an equal tit-for-tat.

- Being considerate of other people’s time. Things like doing something when you say you are going to do it, not making promises you can’t keep, and showing up when you say you are is some of the hardest things to live by. Especially when we are all so distracted all the time and looking forward to the next shiny object. Another way to be considerate of other people’s time (and feelings) is having the ability to recognize and admit your mistakes and quickly make corrections. In general, classiness means being conscientiousness about how your actions may affect others.

- Making people feel welcome and/or not looking down on them; acknowledging them and that their opinions do matter and have merit. Even if you don’t agree with everything someone else says or does and you may not want to associate closely with them, a classy person recognizes that everyone brings something valuable to the table. One of my favorite sayings is, “Even a stopped clock is right twice a day.” Yes, even someone you consider completely different from you can (and does) bring up valid points.

- Taking care of oneself and always looking well-groomed (not mutually exclusive with being trendy or a fashionista). I admit I put this up because I am tired of seeing the self-proclaimed classy fashionista/trendster/hipster who is also completely self absorbed. I do agree with them on one point: part of respecting others oddly enough means looking pleasing to others. I personally don’t consider this sexist or narcissistic, or whatever -ism people contrive, because you also owe it to yourself as a human to maintain your own body/appearance (you are part of humanity as well).

It sounds odd, but it is actually good manners to be well-groomed and look pleasing to others, and this is probably the easiest way to appear to be a classy person. However, standing alone, this one point requires almost no internal work and very little personal sacrifice in contrast to the other examples I listed. In any case, I do agree that if you are given this body, you have an obligation take care of it and present it in a positive light. Wouldn’t you treat yourself as well as you treat others? Technically you ARE an extension of others.

— — —

I think all of those things are a good start to really embodying the spirit of “classy,” as opposed to just looking the part. Of course, I am no teacher on how to be classy as I am working on my own brand of class all the time. I think all of us struggle with showing respect to others and being classy from time to time. But being classy isn’t something that falls on your lap. While some people are born with a very altruistic point of view, I still like to think of it as more a habit than a state of being, in that if you don’t use it, you lose it. And it takes a lot of conscious effort to make something into a habit. That’s precisely why it can be hard to accomplish.

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One of the most important things I have learned in watching and interacting with men is that they highly value respect. Respect to them can be considered a highly valuable and stable currency, like gold. I know that many women may read this and say “Well, yea, that that makes sense.” But, in the long run, their actions say something else.

Women don’t naturally operate in that way, especially immature ones — they tend to love someone (or at least stick around) more unconditionally, even if they may not fully respect them. To many women, respect and love typically do not go hand in hand, but for men, it does. There is a valuable lesson in all this. If he can’t respect you, he can’t really love you. And if you don’t respect yourself, he can’t respect you.

Furthermore, if you can’t respect him (for whatever reason, whether justified or not) and you show that you don’t respect him (e.g. by nagging, trying to change him), it often won’t make him try harder — he’ll just get the respect from somewhere else. Unfortunately, while most women may love their man, if they don’t respect or like something, they’ll do exactly that — try to mold him into what she thinks he should be in that area through nagging and constantly butting heads with him on these points of tension. While love IS important, it doesn’t really matter how much you love him if there is no respect from either side. It’s just a disaster waiting to happen.

I know it’s not particularly “romantic” or “happily ever after” to see it that way, but consider that perhaps romance doesn’t exist in a vacuum. It exists because it has a foundation of meaningful, more tangible factors to flourish on.

So let’s forget about “love” for this post and focus on the respect side of the equation. The way I see it, if you find yourself not respecting him, you have two more effective courses of action: 1) change your expectations of him and accept him for who he is OR 2) get out of the relationship — for your own sakes.

When dating, women tend to have an ideal of what their man should be like, and they often create an image of who they think their man is (or who they want him to be). Believe me, I know how hard it is to NOT do that, but it happens. So in the beginning, it’s easy to feel like you respect and accept someone for who they are. Another thing is, it is easy to feel like you fully respect someone, because most people tend to put their best foot forward and you only know of their positive traits (or rather their alter ego). So the woman’s expectations/image of him is sky-high at first.

As time goes on, that image starts chipping away as the newness of the relationship fades away and both people start revealing their true selves. This is why I consider it important (in my own relationships) to take some time (not too little, but also not too much — either is bad) to get a feel for who that person is. It is during this time that you need to take your blinders off and really evaluate what your image/expectations are and what is the actual reality.

When I date someone — and actually before I even get into a true exclusive relationship with him — I like to try to figure out how much I can respect him as a person, not how much I like him (even if I may like him a lot) or how attracted to him I am, and use that as foundation. If that “respect” foundation is not there, it’s not worth it. Now I’m a very future-oriented person and I can sense how things will play out months down the line, so it’s a little easier for me to give up Mr. Right Now if I think it’ll become unsustainable later. Granted, I am operating under limited information. But most decisions in life are made with limited information, and I trust my instincts a lot. Still you can ask yourself some questions and just try to trust your gut with whatever information you have — then self-correct later. Here are some things I ask myself:

1) What sort of character traits do you think a man worthy of respect has? How do you think these character traits would manifest themselves?

(For example, you might say a character trait you respect is dependability. Dependability can manifest itself as doing what he says he is going to do most of the time — like if he says he is going to call at X, then he generally usually calls at X or somewhere near that).

Knowing this is important because this is how you build standards of what you accept and what you won’t — and gives you a general idea of what you most respect and what you don’t. Character traits are also an important indicator of future behavior. For example, most women look for “provider” traits or at least someone who is going to pull his weight financially. Unfortunately, they often fall into the trap of automatically assuming that very specific material possessions must equate to the character trait. In truth, it doesn’t matter if he has $1 million and a Porsche today if he doesn’t have the right sort of character traits/mindset to keep them or get back up if life knocks him back down. I’d personally take the average guy with the right traits/mindset any day. I know it is his traits/mindset that is more likely help him pull himself out of whatever issue life throws at him, without me prodding/nagging him to do it.

You see, I am not his mother, I don’t want to sign up for that and I’m sure most women don’t want to do so either. I’m not a trainer, but I can be a great sounding board, supporter, and perhaps a source of guidance. That’s the whole point right, LOL!

That said, it’s hard to tell if someone truly has a specific character trait early on, so I wouldn’t expect someone to be particularly generous or protective, for example, at first. But he always unconsciously and unceremoniously throws little hints at you through consistent (or inconsistent) behavior/actions. It’s too bad that a lot of women get shamed out of looking for or placing a lot of importance on these types of “actions,” but really, it is your instinct at work. Your instincts can tell you a lot more than any guy can, and if a guy tells you otherwise, he has something to gain from you not listening to your instincts.

By the way, I have NEVER had an honest guy talk about or verbally advertise all his positive traits, at least not outright without prodding from me. I usually don’t like to ask those sort of questions anyway, because what person will answer that honestly? If you ask what is someone’s negative traits, they’ll give you a BS answer or downplay it. I might ask it on purpose to see what he says and then watch what he does, and see for myself if he’s an honest person in general. But I usually always take words with a grain of salt. He either acts a certain way or he doesn’t. If he has to verbally advertise that he is honest, dependable, etc, then he’s probably lying. If in doubt, actions must match words.

2) Do you find yourself struggling to accept too many things about his character/behavior?  Are the these things deal breakers — something you know you can’t live with or work around? Or are they just annoyances that can be worked around?

This is hard because nobody’s perfect, so don’t loosely write everything off as a deal breaker. Critically think about this — don’t try to minimize it or blow it out of proportion, but try to look at it more practically. These kinds of things may or may not erode at your respect of him. And if you can’t respect him, the relationship is doomed.

I find it easier to have a short list of what I won’t tolerate, than to have a list of what he must have. You’ll be waiting a long time if you have this impossible list. Lots of guys are really great guys and partners without having everything you think they should have. So it’s opens more doors to say “X, Y, Z is a deal breaker, but I can work with everything else depending on the relationship.”

Lots of times we don’t really know what we need until it hits us in the face. Some things can turn out to be a pleasant surprise. Lots of guys have very respectable qualities. Even if you end up not wanting to date someone, I personally think its a good idea learning how to respect specific qualities about every guy you met, even if he’s just a friend. Seriously. This is probably the number one thing that helps me really get to know men on a deeper level and appreciate them for who they are — even if we don’t agree everything the other does or says — and thus I don’t feel that all men are after one thing or that they are all jerks.  That sort of attitude attracts a higher-caliber of man in the long run; that has been my experience.

3) What DO you actually respect about him? How many of them are character traits (something that he consistently does, regardless of who he’s with or what he’s doing)? How many things are one-time behaviors/memories, material possessions, or something temporary/sporadic in nature?

List them. The more character traits you can respect about him, the easier it is to continue respecting him — even in the face of all the other things that may bother you.

Unfortunately, most women have a tendency to focus and nitpick on what bothers them and not what they like — in the long run; they may ignore it at the beginning — even if what they do like about him is major. Truth: Sometimes it’s not that he’s not a respectable man — sometimes it’s you and your mindset preventing you from recognizing that he is a respectable man.

You’ll feel yourself going off track with the nitpicking and it will happen from time to time, unfortunately — better to admit it and prepare for it. During those times, it’s good to remember what you respect best about him and use it as a “northern star” of sorts to get you back on track and focusing on what matters. That’s why having a solid list of character traits (permanent things about him) you can respect is so important, more important than the annoyances.

Wrap up

As I said before — from my own observations — men seem to value and assign more weight to respect far more than love. For them, the more lasting kind of love for a specific person often comes out of a deep sense of respect for that person. If the respect isn’t there, then the love probably isn’t either. On the other hand, women tend to love someone at some basic level even if the respect for that person isn’t all there.

This would explain why there is a “double standard” when it comes to sex — men are less likely to stick around with a promiscuous woman, but women tend to be more forgiving of a promiscuous men. Instead of whining about it, make it work for you, not against you!

In summary, the main way to get respect from men is to A) cultivate self-respect (you can’t ask him to respect you if you don’t respect yourself, and he won’t) and, only after you have a sense of self-respect, B) respect him for who he is and what he does. If it helps, remember respect doesn’t mean that you have to AGREE with everything, it simply means you accept him and that you realize this is who he is and this is what he does regardless of outside opinion. So respect doesn’t mean agreeing with everything and being a doormat. Voice your opinion, but don’t make it a requirement for him to follow or agree with them all. If there are too many things you don’t have in common, then perhaps you shouldn’t be in the relationship… you can respect each other easier as friends, LOL.

In this post, I focused on how to get to B by picking the kind of guy that is easy for you to respect in the first place. It is a very noble idea to love someone regardless of whether you respect them or not, but it doesn’t really bode well in relationships. It’s great for a parent-child or a sibling-sibling, or even a friend-friend type of love. In those cases it’s not such a big deal.

But in a relationship, loving someone you don’t/can’t/won’t respect dooms the relationship. You’ll start acting in ways that makes him resist you (via mothering, nagging, being abusive, trying to change him) and he’ll sense that you don’t respect him and find it somewhere else. This is a downward spiral you don’t want to get caught up in, so it’s better to have the foundation there and then do periodic checks on it to keep yourself on track and focus on what matters. It takes more effort (and in vain) to just pick anyone based on your hormones and “who you think he is” and then try to fix him up later.

Again, it’s more stable to build the mutual respect first and then let the love “grow” on top of that.  Makes sense?

Related posts:

1. Dancing the dating dance: Women are indirect for a reason
2. Part 2: Reframing negative stereotypes about the opposite sex into positive attributes
3. 7 steps to developing womanly self-confidence (Part 2)

J’ai arrivé! (I have arrived!)

And so I’ve finally concluded the 90-day challenge! I started this on December 1, 2012 and finished about two months late *ahem* but who’s counting? The 90th post, in case you missed it is Who should and shouldn’t move to South Florida.

(Another fun factoid – the post before that, Eurotrip 2012: Berlin is my 200th post overall!)

Whew! Well, I’m not complaining and I’ve very happy with being able to complete this challenge, however long it took! In the meantime, I’ve had some highs (two glorious weeks trekking through Western Europe) and downs (catching some weird mutant flu/cold/allergy bug).

As a result of this challenge, I’ve written 104,219 words over 90 published posts, with an average of a juicy 1,158 words per post. And get this: these numbers don’t even include all the drafts I wrote, many of which are over 1,000 words, that never made it to publication!

This means I’ve written enough to write a book or a novel in about five months – Woo hoo! I never thought I would have the patience or fortitude to write that much in such a short time frame but I did it! And the cool thing is, now that I’ve completed this challenge, repeating the same sort of results will be even easier. The sky’s the limit with what sort of things I can write.

What’s next for writing and Insightfull Blog? I am not entirely sure. I’ll definitely keep writing here and for my own personal projects. I will say that my presence on this blog will likely be as sporadic as it has been in the past month, simply because I am undergoing some life changes right now and prefer to dedicate more of my time to my offline pursuits. Even for a “speed-writer” like me, thinking up and writing 1,000+ word posts nearly everyday is time-consuming, my friends. And time is a most precious commodity for me these days.

Anyway, just for fun, here are the 10 most popular posts since this beginning of this challenge:

10. 7 steps to developing womanly confidence (Part 1)

9. 7 steps to developing womanly confidence (Part 2)

8. Dancing the dating dance: Women are indirect for a reason

7. Dating and relationships 2: Finding inspiration on dates

6. How to move to a new place with no job and proving silly nay-sayers wrong

5. Why I don’t compete with other women

4. 10 unique reasons why I love being a woman

3. Part 2: Reframing negative stereotypes about the opposite sex into positive attributes

2. Weekend tidbit 14: 2012 movies! [I'm actually surprised this was popular, but I think it's a false popular -- I'm sure lots of people were looking up movie posters! : ) ]

1. Part 1: Reframing negative stereotypes about the opposite sex into positive attributes

I find it interesting that 80% of this list is either about dating/relationships or developing self-confidence as a woman. I never really considered myself that sort of blogger, but I guess I do a decent job at conveying my ideas in that area! Or maybe it’s just such a topic of huge interest amongst many people, in effect totally discrediting any skills on my part, hehe. : )

Just to provide a little variety and to share some other posts that I enjoyed writing, here are some honorable mentions:

1. [Spirituality month] The beginnings of exploring spirituality and religion

2. [Love month] Deconstructing image and accepting others as they are

3. Building up the perople you care about — and making it a lifestyle

4. Are you irreplaceable?

5. Take a swim in the Shark Tank (and how to pitch a business idea)

6. Real goddesses treat others like royalty

7. Hacks for avoiding frustrations with coworkers

8. Myers-Briggs Revisited: Extraverts, Introverts, Sensors, and Intuitives

9. Weekend tidbit 8: Homemade pizza (A favorite from the first 45 days of the challenge, I couldn’t resist linking to this yummy post again!)

10. Attraction and role-playing

Enjoy, and I look forward to writing more! : )

Related posts:

1. 90 day writing challenge: Mid-way mark
2. Fall down? Get back up and keep pushing! (And why I love writing)
3. Traveling and don’t speak the language? No big deal! [Updated 3/31/12]

After seeing the parody music video below, I didn’t know whether to laugh or cry. Mostly I laughed to stop from crying.

That said, here I am thinking that my student loan debt is too high when after talking to a few other people, I’m really not all that bad! Granted, ANY personal debt is too much debt for me, but I’ve realized how fortunate I am that I’ve managed to keep my school debt “relatively” low with two degrees under my belt. Currently, I’m under an aggressive repayment plan so I can pay it all off in half the time I’m expected to pay it off. I’m fairly confident I can pull it off but life happens — and I can’t predict that I’ll always have money to pay it every month AND eat dinner.

But when all sorts of people come out of the woodwork saying that their monthly payment is over $1,000 a month — and they didn’t go to professional school or even an Ivy League – is just plain outrageous to me. Now I’m hearing that the student loan debt in the U.S. now exceeds $1 trillion. Out.rage.ous.

I hear a lot of things about what should be done. The government should do something. Colleges should lower their tuition. People should forego college for a trade. Students should opt for public university over private. Students should pick smarter majors.

Honestly, though? None of these things help anyone! It most certainly do not help the people who need help the most. People who aren’t in college yet still have the option to not go, and they have more information on their hands about the burden of student debt. Berating college students for making poor choices also doesn’t help either. The government may help students — but I doubt it because they’re sleeping in bed with Sallie Mae and they are responsible for issuing millions (billions) in federal student loans (of which they’ll benefit from in interest).

If they did find it in the goodness of their hearts to really help, they’ll target desperately poor students — most of whom have already received a lot of assistance in the form of scholarships and other forms of public assistance, and thus have much lower debt. There’ll be so many strings attached to such a government mandate that the people who really could use help will be disqualified.

I know because as someone who is from a solidly middle class family, I had a difficult time finding a lot of scholarships because most people (including the government) deemed me “too rich.” Even though the money my parents made was not mine to spend. No, my parents told me I had to fund my own education and only footed the bill for the first semester. I don’t blame them or hold them responsible at all — I also told them I wasn’t going to go into  medical school to do something I don’t want to do and get stuck with $200K+ in loans because it was something they wanted me to do … they couldn’t respond to that one.

Even with all that, I was lucky enough to win a few merit-based scholarships, tuition waivers as well as land a spot in a student-work program — otherwise by debt load would have been 3x higher. I don’t have the statistics to back it up (not that I trust most statistics) but I get the feeling that most of those people had to deal with a similar situation as I.

I realize measures must be taken to prevent future students from falling into the debt hole in the first place, such as controlling tuition costs and creating alternatives to traditional college coursework. But this is a crisis — what is being done to help people already in the hole? So what are some REAL solutions?

Waiting for government help to kick in is a nice dream, but not reliable. Waiting for the economy to come back up with a slew of new, high-paying jobs is naive at best.  But after brainstorming a bit, I’m thinking there are some viable ways to reduce the pressure while keeping everyone happy. Here are some half-baked ideas I can think of.

1.  Corporate student debt assistance program. There are some work programs out there that help people pay off student loans such as teaching in areas with a high demand for teachers or doctors working under a government program in rural areas. But what if corporations offered to assist their recent grad employees as long as the employee signed a contract to stay within the company for a certain amount of years? It could work much like a 401K matching plan, in which the employee is required to vested for X amount of years, or a similar benefit package plan. Say the employee has a $300 monthly loan payment. The company could match that up to $150 a month or $1,800 a year. The employee benefits from a slightly reduced debt payment load as well as a semi-guarantee employment for X amount of years. The company benefits by having less costs (it can be less costly to retain a current employee than to keep rehiring and retraining new employees) and perhaps a tax deduction. I would also think the employee would be a more motivated employee.

2. Volunteering in exchange for partial loan repayment. I believe similar programs exist for government-run volunteer organizations like AmeriCorps and Peace Corps. But I can’t help but wonder if there is a way to make this more widespread so  more people can have access to these benefits without giving up the opportunity to be gainfully employed? What if non-profits and loan companies could form a joint venture in exchange for tax breaks? A volunteer could dedicate X amount of time per week for a certain amount of their loans “written off.” The loan company can get tax breaks because they are indirectly (through the volunteers) helping perform a public service that the government now doesn’t have to worry about themselves.

Let’s say Suzie volunteers 5 hours a week at Habitat for Humanity, for 20 weeks — a total of 100 hours in a year. Normally Suzie would donate, but Suzie doesn’t have money to spare because she’s spending it all on living costs and loan repayment. So she is trading time instead of having to go through finding another job (a lot more intensive) Habitat for Humanity could report that to both the loan company (Sallie Mae) and the government. The loan company agrees to write off $1,500 (or $15 an hour for each hour of community service) and the government gives the loan company a tax break of the same amount or some agreed upon amount.

Suzie benefits because that is an additional $1,500 she doesn’t has to worry about, but she can still have a job and continue pay her student loans on top of that. If she doesn’t have a job, volunteering is one way she can pay off some of her loans without defaulting. She could voluteer 10-15 hours a week if she is unemployed. The nonprofits get more volunteers because they now have a greater incentive to lure volunteers in (“free” work). The loan company benefits because there is less risk of their debtees defaulting and they get tax benefits.

3. Starting an income-generating business in exchange for a tax break. Many young adults are starting businesses either because they don’t want to work for corporations or because they can’t find jobs. So the debtee could use that to their advantage; as long as s/he is generating a certain amount of income (or some other rule, such as hiring one employee), they can get a tax break or get exempted from self-employment tax. This means more money can be put into student loans. Now I know someone will say, what is stopping this person from spending the money somewhere else. Well, there could be a requirement that the debtee shows proof of the money being credited to loan repayment or they would owe the self-employment taxes back. The debtee wins because they aren’t forced to find traditional employment to repay loans and they pay less taxes. The government wins because the unemployment rate could potentially go down because the debtee is self employed and/or the debtee is incentivized to higher more employees. I’m sure some politician would see this as a good way to get votes.

—————

These are some of the things I could think of. Again, these are half-baked because I came up with them off the top of my head. I also realize that these sort of programs could cost money to implement and can result in a lot of paperwork and administrative headache for all parties involved. But I feel like if these ideas are improved upon and streamlined in some way, they could really benefit your typical middle-of-the-road individual (from middle class background, not too poor, not too rich, employed but underemployed, etc) who is struggling with debt.

What do you think? Have you seen some of these ideas already in action? Any new ideas?

Related posts:

1. Don’t let the government get in your way of YOUR success and well-being
2. Weekend tidbit 13: How I benefited from undergrad
3. Dear college students: Wake up and smell the coffee. Then drink it.

Miami skyline at night

Note: South Florida encompasses the counties of Dade (primary city is Miami), Broward (primary city is Fort Lauderdale), and Palm Beach (primary city is West Palm Beach).

Despite getting a bad rap from most of the U.S., South Florida continues to appeal to the young-minded and fun-loving. Daydreamers continue to move down here (or consider moving down here) for the warm weather, the scenery, and the beautiful people. And you know what, whatever floats their boat, they should do it.

That said, living in South Florida isn’t for everyone. Of course, there is no “one” place that’s for everyone, but South Florida sucks people in because it just seems so different and interesting  from the rest of the U.S. I’ve seen way too many people jump in and settle down — then a few months down the line, they realize not everything is what it’s cracked up to be. But they are stuck because they can’t afford to move away.

So, as a resident of over 15 years, I’m going to write this post as a public service announcement to those thinking about moving down here, and I am going to be as unbiased as I can about it.

Typical South Florida house built in the late 1990's to mid-2000s

Misconceptions about South Florida:

First I’d like to go over some common misconceptions I hear about South Florida.

1. Nobody speaks English. This is simply not true. I can see why people think this and there definitely are sections of Miami that are predominantly Latino so all the businesses there cater to them in Spanish (Hialeah is notable for this). There are also older Latino immigrants who never bothered to learn English after decades of living here because they can get away with not learning it. But, again, they are mostly concentrated in areas like Hialeah — and their children and grandchildren can speak English fine.

(For the record, most people from Latin America identify as Latino/Latina and not “Hispanic” — a term coined by White Americans. Perhaps because of that exposure, I prefer to use the term Latino to describe them myself.)

2. You need to speak Spanish to survive here. This is utterly false. How do I know? I can barely speak a lick of it although I understand many words out of exposure. I will say this: many customer-oriented jobs here seem to require or prefer someone who speaks Spanish. The dirty truth? If you are not a native Spanish speaker, you most likely don’t count even if you are proficient. I strongly suspect that Latino-owned or Latino-oriented businesses use this “requirement” as a tactic to discriminate against people who are not one of their own. However, lots of people don’t speak Spanish and can find a job here, but this may limit your options. Outside of that, I have not found speaking Spanish to be a requirement in my day-to-day life unless I venture into Hialeah. My solution? I mostly avoid Hialeah.

3. Miami is a third world country (because Latinos are taking over). Again, living here, I can totally relate to why people say this. I may have even jokingly said this myself in moments of frustration. But having been to a third world and/or developing country, I can honestly say that Miami is not a third world country and anyone who insists needs to travel out of the U.S. sometime. South Florida has all the infrastructure of a 1st world country like the U.S. but the attitude here is notably different. Over 50% of population in Miami-Dade is foreign-born or 1st/2nd generation Americans, predominantly from Latin America (including the Caribbeans) — and they all bring their attitudes and way of life with them that they don’t have to change because of the large communities of people from their own countries already living here, maintaining the status quo.

What is Latino culture? Well for one thing, they take their time to do everything. Everything happens at a slower pace, and this shows in the level of customer service you get. Sometimes it feels like the work ethic is completely lacking, especially if you come from someplace more intense like NYC. My coworker is Latino and while out working with him, he’ll stop and idly chat with multiple Latino employees throughout the day. Even if he doesn’t really know them. I have also found that Latinos love to drop by my office and expect me to stop what doing to talk about their grievances for hours. It’s cute, but also frustrating when I need things to be done. They are also very centered around family. So you’ll see them doing a lot of favors or “hook-me-ups” for family or people who are close to them. I’ve benefitted from this a few times. You’ll also see generations living in the same roof and young adults who don’t leave their parents’ house until they get married (or sometimes even after that). If they do leave, they typically don’t move far. So there is a sense of family obligation – not as strong as in Asian culture, but still there.

Latinos are a very loud, passionate, and somewhat hedonistic people. As you know passionate people often don’t think far ahead – they do things on impulse. Sometimes it feels like it’s all or nothing for them, so they party long and hard, they dress loudly, they laugh loudly, you get the picture. Ironically, many Latinos are also strongly Catholic — so you can imagine the contradictions that can happen. Another thing is, Latinos come from a very aristocratic mindset. While Americans are trying to make things as equal as possible (and often failing at it) where the employee has as much say as the boss, Latinos acknowledge there is a class difference and some of them (especially the upper class Latinos) reinforce that. I don’t know what’s better: to pretend there is no difference while you keep the lines drawn or to acknowledge that there is a difference and keep the lines drawn.

Now I’m not saying any of these things are good or bad, but I am saying that these things manifest themselves in everyday life when interacting with people here. Some of it will bother you and impede on your view of how things should be. Some of it, you’ll see as a refreshing change.

The other important thing to note is that Latinos seem to have a completely different reputation here than they do in the rest of the U.S. That is because Latinos (most particularly Cubans) have a large amount of political clout. Many political offices here are filled by Latinos (most of the rest are filled by Jews). These politicians obviously favor catering to their own ethnic group, so Latino-centered businesses and connections thrive here. Two of the major industries here, real estate and finance are centered around Latin American finance and investors. So, if you’re looking for a job in these industries then you’ll do 10x better with some solid Latino connections.

4. Florida is uncivilized / full of crime / people can get away with murder here. Okay, this is a hard one for me to argue against when I often think the same thing myself. I mean the latest issue with Trayvon Martin and the Stand Your Ground law is just the recent in the line of things wrong with Florida law enforcement and criminal prosecution. Florida is also famous for their love for the 2nd amendment. That said, Florida isn’t teeming with criminals and not every area is riddled with crime.

I’m not going to lie and say that the police here doesn’t have to contend with a lot of crime — to the point where they will sometimes excuse/drop charges against minor crimes to lighten the load. Obviously, you can’t leave your car and front door unlocked like you can in Montana. South Florida is never going to win the award for “family friendly” city/region, by a long shot. But most crimes are not random and are by association — yes, even in Florida. Just don’t associate with shady people or criminal elements or live in shady areas, and you’ve eliminated most chances of crime happening to you.

5. South Florida isn’t a sports town / has no loyalty to anything / is extremely fickle. Who am I kidding. This is 100% true. Okay, 99% true. Whenever I traveled to any other city in the U.S., I was bowled over by how people in each respective place was such a sports fan. I’m really not used to seeing people band and bond together over anything, much less a sports team — because South Floridians just don’t roll like that. Unless the team is going through a winning streak — and only for that season. The way my friends in Kansas City tried to brainwash me into rooting for KU would have never happened in South Florida for ANY South Florida teams.

Typical new construction house these days (Mediterranean style)

Other stupid things people complain about that aren’t unique to South Florida:

I have also heard some complaints about Florida that I (as someone who doesn’t even like Florida much at all) thought were pretty lame. I’m going to set the record straight. Some examples are:

1. Bad traffic / bad drivers. It is true that it’s quite easy for anyone to get a license here and that some people drive kind of stupidly here. I’m convinced most people can’t really drive safely anyway. However I personally don’t feel that it’s worse or better than any other major city. Maybe I’ll change my mind after I spend a significant amount of time driving in other major cities. Still, what is this fascination with competing over the worst drivers or worst traffic?

2. Corrupt politics. Again, I think all politics (especially in major cities) are corrupt. South Florida politicians may be a little more blatant about it, but not by much more. I will say, however, that the politicians here have annoyingly poor city/urban planning skills (or maybe they just don’t care). So the city is very spread out and can feel very sterile in spots. Public transportation is also awful for a city of this size. But this isn’t New York. 99% of the U.S. is also car-centric.

3. Bad weather. Everywhere has bad weather at some point of the year. Pick your poison. Florida just happens to feel like living in a sweat box 6-7 months out of the year. Where did you think you were living? Paradise? Last time I checked, we’re living over what used to be swamp land before it was developed into oblivion. 

4. Rude people. I don’t really find people here ruder than I would in another large city. Some of them may also be very shallow and/or materialistic. But so are some people in LA or DC or NYC. Latinos do have a different mindset and they tend to stick with their own, but I generally find them friendly if you’re accepting of them. Things that a typical American would find rude, like Latinos speaking Spanish to each other in front of them, also do not really bother me. People, however, are very transient here so there is no solid sense of “community” outside of ethnic enclaves (welcoming new neighbors, reaching out, getting involved in community affairs, saying hello to everyone they see, etc). So, if you are from a small town or the Midwest (I find a lot of Midwesterners here), then this may bug you a lot. It’s just not unique to South Florida. I rarely hear transplanted New Yorkers complain about this, for example.

5. Bugs / reptiles. Again, this is just stupid. Out of all the things to complain about. I don’t like bugs either but I know enough to just by some bug spray or at least stay in a screened area. All areas have an abundance of insects and the further out you get from any city core, the more wildlife you’ll see as well. Plus, who are you kidding? We’ve developed this area over a swamp. Of course you’ll see some big insects and maybe a gator here and there. Alligators are dangerous, but as long as you don’t decide to take a dip in murky canal water, you should be fine. If you don’t provoke them, you’ll be fine. They aren’t like rhinos who will chase you on land.

Fort Lauderdale - Venice of the United States

Serious problems in South Florida:

That said, there are real problems South Florida has that you should be concerned about. Please consider and prepare for these things before you pack all your belongings and move here:

1. Lack of professional, middle class jobs compared to other cities in the U.S. I’m not saying they don’t exist here. I’m saying there aren’t many of them and the ones that do exist have an extremely low turn-over. Would you quit your perfectly adequate job if you knew there were not many other professional opportunities in your city? Exactly. That is the down side to having tourism as your one major industry — they typically provide a slew low-paying, low-skill jobs and very few high paying jobs. There are other industries here, like real estate and health care. But real estate is volatile and other industries (health care, higher ed, finance) will pay less than the national average because they can get away with it. 

When the biggest source of pride for community leaders in the area is that they are planning to open a new casino in the area that will produce thousands of new (same, low-paying, hospitality-focused) “jobs,” you know there is a serious problem.

2. Lack of a young, professional scene. This happens because of point 1 — so South Florida gets a bit of a “brain drain” when these people leave for better opportunities in more economically-diverse cities. This is also a vicious cycle: because the labor market is largely uneducated and low skill, most companies that would pay well (e.g. Fortune 100) don’t set up shop here. Again, I’m not saying there are no young professionals. But if you are used to the scene in major, career-driven cities like NYC, Chicago, DC, the lack of young professionals to connect with will get old real quick. There is only so much you can do with largely unmotivated, unambitious peers with no direction other than partying on South Beach before you start to lose more than a few brain cells (and perhaps your sanity).

What you will see a lot of is young adults dropping hundreds at a club at night and driving around in a BMW. Yet they are 29, still work as a cashier at Walmart, are still trying to finish undergrad, and still live with mami and papi. Part of it is not their fault (see point 1 and 3), but most of it is – there is something called ”priorities.” I know there are partiers and materialistic people everywhere, but at least many of them in other cities work as hard as they play.

3. High cost of living compared to wages paid. It’s no secret that South Florida employers pay their workers peanuts compared to what they could be getting somewhere else. I heard of janitors in Podunk, Ohio that make more than some of my peers. It’s great for the employer — not so great for the person trying to make ends meet. Don’t be fooled by the “no-income tax” bait. You’ll make up for it with the high cost of insurance, the high rents (or high property tax if you buy property), and all the gas you’ll need to get to commute anywhere.

Insurance (car and homeowners) is outrageously expensive here as is property tax (government has to get their income from somewhere). I have heard of people paying $1,000 a year in insurance for a condo in Manhattan, and someone paying north $5,000 a year for a small housein Florida. And you can’t get away with not owning homeowners insurance unless you flat out own the house because mortgage lenders require it. Hurricanes, you know? The catch-22 is insurance companies try to avoid Florida like the plague OR they’ll charge you an arm and a leg for the privilege while ditching you when a hurricane actually does destroy your house.

4. Hurricanes. They are costly and dangerous, but I’m personally not fazed by them, and I’ve slept through more than a few. The chances of New Orleans /Hurricane Katrina happening in this area are extremely low because South Florida is more prepared for hurricanes and bounces back faster from a disaster.  I know this because my family and I survived a category 5 hurricane (Hurricane Andrew) that directly hit my area. We suffered a lot of damage but we certainly weren’t paralyzed for years on an end the way New Orleans was. It also doesn’t hurt that South Florida isn’t below sea level the way New Orleans is. 

Hurricane Andrew, with its "eye" (most intense, volatile area) landing on Miami, August 1992

Still, hurricanes may not be your natural hazard of choice. So think about that. We have a hurricane season every year from June to November. We don’t get hit every year, but we get plenty of near-hits and all the panicking that goes along with it.

5. “Family-friendliness.” It’s not really here. It’s just not the top choice. You can raise a happy, healthy family here if you completely sterilize your environment and work hard to keep the “stupid” factor out of your child’s sphere of influence. I’m not a parent, so this isn’t a priority to me. If you’re not a parent, this is probably a non-factor unless you plan on settling here permanently. So I just wanted to point that out. The school system here is just plain stupid and is full of the lowest common denominator (academic-wise) – even in a nice area, like where my family lives. Outside of that, the sense of community here is not strong and let’s just say if I had a kid, I wouldn’t leave little Jimmy out with his peers here for long periods of time.

Miami Beach/South Beach (a different city from Miami)

To sum all of that (and make it easier for all you dear people who’ve read this far), here is a quick checklist of who should and shouldn’t move to South Florida.

You’ll probably like South Florida best if:

1. You like the Latino culture and/or mindset and if you are open-minded to interacting with Latinos and connecting with them professionally. Being very social is a plus. If not, your professional and social opportunities will be very limited. Broward and Palm Beach has less of the “Latino influence” but it’s still there.
2. You built up your career elsewhere and you have a skill set that is in demand — particularly in the hospitality/tourism, real estate, and medical industries. Export/import, particularly from South America, is also a good industry here. However it still won’t be easy to find a well-paying (key word) job unless you have connections (see point 1). South Florida really lives up to the saying “it’s not what you know, it’s who you know.” It’s not necessary, just very, *very* helpful. Failing that, it’s more effective to take any old job in an industry you want to work in and then try to build connections from there.
3. If you can’t find a great-paying job, at least you are financially secure or can afford the low wages they pay here. For example, some old-timers here snagged up property when the property values were much lower, or they paid off their mortgages long ago and have little to no other debt. So they can “afford” to be paid $30,000 a year.
4. You enjoy the beach / ocean culture. There is a large variety of things to do if you love the ocean, from suntanning on the beach, engaging in water sports, fishing, having a grand time in the Keys, etc. We also have some of the largest ports here and it’s easy to get on a cruise for a vacation.
5. You’re young and can afford to live closer to the coast, where all the action is.
6. You’re older and can comfortably afford the property taxes / insurance, especially if you plan on retiring here.
7. If you are self-employed as a contractor and/or have a small business. Florida is generally small business friendly as far as regulation, but just don’t expect to grow into a Fortune 100 if you base your company here without a lot of luck. Fortunately, most people start business just to support themselves. A caveat: keep in mind that South Florida is based on tourism, so when the economy goes bad, South Florida is hit worse — so you’ll have less customers. So if you have a lot of overhead or if you only operate locally, this can be a double-edge sword.
8. You’re not interested in settling down and starting a family anytime soon (or ever) … or if you’re past that stage (had the kids, bought the T-shirt).
9. You can tolerate or like extremely humid / wet weather at 6-7 months out of the year AND/OR if you can’t stand remotely cold weather of any kind. In exchange you get some very nice and mild winters.
10. You want easy access to the Latin America and the Caribbean for travel. It’s also a great base for traveling to anywhere else in the U.S. and Europe since we get a lot of tourists from both.

West Palm Beach

You’ll probably struggle in South Florida if:

1. You have a rigid sense of how things should be and how people should act (e.g. in customer service situations). You have a low tolerance for cultural differences and think everyone should just “assimilate,” no questions asked. You can’t handle a little chaos at times and not understanding everything someone is saying at all times.
2. You are a professional with high career aspirations or if you are fresh out of college trying to start a solid, well-compensating career and/or have no experience, skills or connections. Keep in mind that networking is also extremely important for career building. If you are in certain high-growth or stable industries, namely finance, high-tech, higher ed, or science (non-health care), you’ll also find less opportunity to advance here.
3. You enjoy having a variety of things to do for leisure within easy reach (keep in mind there isn’t much else here besides beach and club activities – arts / cultural events are bare-bones and don’t compare to other cities) OR if you dislike the beach / club culture altogether.
4. You’re young and can’t afford to live close to the coast where all the action is. However, if you are very extroverted and are willing to commute 30+ minutes to get anywhere, then this isn’t a dealbreaker.
5. You’re older / retired and can’t afford paying out the nose for property taxes / insurance.
6. You dislike extremely humid and wet weather AND/OR you want four actual “seasons” .. whatever that means AND/OR don’t want to deal with the very real and likely threat of hurricanes every year.
7. If you value having a strong sense of community and/or a strong circle of friends to celebrate/ grow / do things consistently with. The fact of the matter is South Florida is a revolving door, particularly for young adults – the same people you were close with today probably won’t be here in 5 years. That is if they are doing anything with their lives.
8. You’re interested in settling down and having kids with someone who is serious about it and/or has a lot going for them (if you haven’t already found someone to settle down with). 
9. You already have kids and want to raise them in a controlled, safe, and intellectually stimulating environment. Heck, if YOU want to live in an intellectually stimulating environment for yourself.
10. You’re looking for a cheap alternative to California or New York or Canada, with warm weather and all the perks. Be acutely aware of what you’re giving up when you relocate here (or anywhere, for that matter). South Florida is NOT particularly cheap and it doesn’t have nearly as many perks. While this is not a dealbreaker for many, please analyze your reasoning behind this motive 5x. I’ve seen more than a few (but not all) New Yorkers, Californians, and Canadians get quickly disillusioned here. Or if you’re moving here just because you had a fun vacation down here (living here and vacationing down here are two different things).

That’s the good, bad, and ugly of living in South Florida for those who are considering it. I think anyone should move anywhere they want to. Most people fall in the middle of either spectrum and would find at least some satisfaction with living here. While I personally don’t care for South Florida and have no intention of living out my days here, I recognize that it has a lot of great things, especially for the right personality and for people who want certain things at certain points in their lives. You’ll never know if you don’t give it a shot. If you do decide to move here, we’ll welcome you in our own crazy way and wish you the best!

If you think I missed anything or if you have any specific questions, feel free to ask in the comments.

Related posts:

1. Getting excited about 2012 travels!
2. The many masks we wear
3. How to move to a new place with no job (and proving silly naysayers wrong)

Brandenberg Gate at night

After a long (LONG) night camping out at Stansted airport and a mercifully short 2 hour flight on RyanAir, my travel buddy and I touched down at Berlin Schönefeld Airport (Flughafen Schönefeld) in the early morning.

Now I’m going to be honest. The weather was particularly ugly that day. And while I don’t expect airports to be like a resort or to be particularly convenient, the airport itself felt rather old and prison-like. So I couldn’t help but wonder what we’d gotten ourselves into. Go ahead, laugh if you’d like. : ) Fortunately, in this case, first impressions didn’t mean a thing.

Potsdamer Platz

Anyway, I’ve rambled enough about that… on to the actual trip! : ) Berlin is actually a great little city and best of all, it is cheap. It grows on you before you even realize it. It doesn’t look like much is going on and although the city is chock full with history, I wouldn’t consider the city particularly “tourist-friendly” as far as informing visitors about those points of interest. A lot of these sites aren’t really interesting looking or architecturally notable, until you hear the story behind them. For example, the old Secret Police building doesn’t look that important or notable until you hear the stories connected to them. Neither does the Soviet Union building (now the Russian embassy). So that’s why I recommend many of the walking tours that are offered. I personally went on two of these tours.

Top right corner says "Beware of the aggression of the CDU" which is the conservative party in Germany. It originally said "Beware of the aggression of the USA" when Bush was President, but was scratched out after Obama got elected.

There are two main companies I know about: Sandmann’s New Berlin Tours and Insider Tours. They both offer a variation of the following — a free walking tour of Berlin’s top sites and paid sites of the Third Reich Berlin (during Hitler), the Cold War Berlin (East Berlin/West Berlin dynamics), and an Alternative Tour (explaining some of the more popular grafitti and alternative culture sites). I believe another company offers a bike tour as well, and there could be other tours I’m missing. I really enjoyed the Insider Tour I went on. It was called Cold War Berlin: Soviet secrets, CIA spies & more and the tour guide was Maria. Maria was a fantastic guide because she has a gift for storytelling; I highly recommend her. I can’t tell you all of the stories I heard, it would take a book to write them all.

Maria (tour guide) at the Russian Embassy (old Soviet government building). Typical Soviet design -- this building has a "wedding cake," tiered look to it.

I got the impression that while the quality of living wasn’t great by any means, living in East Berlin wasn’t in itself bad — it was just knowing you couldn’t freely leave, except maybe to other Stalinistic states and with permission. I also got the impression that Berlin and the GDR (East Germany) had a far better quality of life than other Stalinistic states.  If you did everything you were supposed to, the government took care of you and all was good. In fact, many former East Berliners have been known to be nostalgic about living in East Berlin because everything was set up for them.

However, if you didn’t do what you’re supposed to do, that’s when living there becomes hell and you couldn’t trust anyone. One of the stories Maria told was of a woman whose husband reported her for suspicious activity: she spend about a decade in prison being tortured and mistreated by the Secret Police. When the Berlin Wall fell and she was set free, her husband confessed to her that he was the one who reported her.

Another site I found about living in East Berlin/East Germany can be found here: Iron Curtain Kid.

The second tour I went on was the Alternative Tour with Sandemann. I wanted to do this tour because I didn’t want to spend all my time just focusing on some of the worst parts of Berlin’s history and I wanted to dig deeper into Berlin’s culture today. Unfortunately, the tour guide that day didn’t do the tour much justice at all. I don’t remember her name, so can’t recommend against her. In the end, my friend and I ended up leaving the tour halfway through.

Berlin Wall Gallery

On the first day and for parts of the second day, I strolled around the city on my own. More notably, I visited Potsdamer Platz, the Brandenburg Gate, the Jewish Museum, and randomly got off at a few other stops just to walk around. On the last day, I walked around with my friend. Regrettably, we didn’t make it to the Museum Island on time before most of the museums were getting ready to close. There are two museums there that are pretty big and highly rated: the Bode Museum and the Pergamom, which is huge because it houses original size, recreated buildings from Middle Eastern history. Instead my friend and I walked a couple of blocks north of that and ended up in Hackescher Markt, which is a little outdoor shopping area. My friend bought a couple of souvenirs and I bought some chocolate to take back home.

Hackescher Markt

On to the food: German is amazing. AMAAAZIIING. One thing I notice about Berlin, however, is that there are a lot of Vietnamese people there — much like there are a lot of Latinos in the U.S. and a lot of Indians in the U.K. My friend whose family is from former South Vietnam told me that a lot of North Vietnamese immigrate to former communist areas; similarly a lot of South Vietnamese opt to immigrate to the U.S., Canada, and Australia. She explained to me that while Vietnam is still a whole country, the northern and southern parts still retain different attitudes because of the political differences during the Vietnamese War. I thought that was an interesting tidbit.

A glance into the death strip from a preserved portion of the Berlin Wall. Guard towers were placed inside of the death strip. Unfortunately, my camera focusing skills suck lol!

Anyway, on our first day there, we stopped by a Vietnamese restaurant for an early dinner because the area of Berlin we stayed in — Kreuzberg — was predominately populated by immigrants and there were a lot of Vietnamese restaurants nearby. The food was great — I had a rice and chicken dish. On the second day, the most notable thing I ate was some famed currywurst and fries from Curry 36. We also had a ball eating the pastries sold in the subway stations. Many of stations had a food stand in them which I thought was so convenient, and they were pretty good quality for street food.

Currywurst from Curry 36

But I’m saving the best for last. If you ever go to Berlin, you *must* check out Schwarzwaldstuben. Oh, sweet baby Jesus. The place was packed and we had to eat at the bar, which was fine, and we got pretty good service. I had some wild game sausages with mashed potatoes, sauerkraut, and a ligonberry mustard sauce. Even though I am a foodie, I’m not someone who can eat A LOT in one sitting — I just like to sample and nibble a little bit of everything. Well, I ate all of it even though I wasn’t particularly hungry and I wanted to it clean. I’ll just leave it at that!

Wild game sausage, mashed potatoes, sauerkraut, and ligonberry-mustard sauce

The one cool thing that happened is I ended up meeting with an American friend, Jamal, for breakfast. What’s so funny about it is we are both from a similar area in northeastern U.S. and we both grew up primarily in South Florida. Although he now lives in the U.K. I thought it was so uncanny that we ended up in Berlin at the same time. We all had nice German breakfast and just talked/laughed about a variety of things. It was great! This isn’t the first time I ran into someone I know in another continent: I once ended up finding an old high school friend in a train station in Florence, Italy.

Hey, Jamal! : )

Similar to my feelings about London, I regret that I only spent three days in Berlin because I really didn’t have time to see everything I wanted to see. However, I prefer Berlin over London and I’m probably more inclined to visit Germany again than I am to visit the UK. I’d also like to visit Munich. In any case, we had to make it to the airport and catch our flight to Barcelona … never mind the fact that we almost missed our flight and got to the gate right at the time the plane was supposed to take off — thank gawd the flight was a little delayed and that the airport was mostly empty!

Yummy German breakfast : ) Ate some before I remembered to snap a pic..

Overall impression of Berlin? As I said earlier, Berlin doesn’t look like much and the Germans aren’t really well renown for being charming or anything, but it all grew on me. To people who are used to more “stately” looking cities, like London, New York, Rome, Paris, Chicago, Barcelona, etc — most of Berlin doesn’t really look like that. For one thing, Berlin has a large amount of graffiti. In most other parts of the world (or, at least in the U.S.), graffiti is linked to crime, gangs, and dilapidation. So if you are used to that kind of mindset, then it is easy to think that half of Berlin is in shambles. As I learned later on, graffiti is far more accepted in Berlin than in most other places (not everyone there likes it, of course, but it is more accepted). For a subset of Berliners, graffiti is basically an art often used a form of protest. It’s not just limited to the artwork at the Berlin Wall.

There is a well known place called Kunsthaus Tacheles (or Art House Tacheles) that features a lot of artwork and graffiti. It used to be a Nazi prison and was eventually taken over by artists who painted on every square inch of the walls inside of the building and hosts a few studios and art shops. I knew Berlin had a history of alternative cultures and using graffiti and the like, I just hadn’t realized how extensive it is.

Some of the graffiti/artwork around town. I believe this one is protesting capitalism and the military.

The second thing is — not surprisingly — due to the separation of Berlin during the Cold War, parts of town are “different” than others, in terms of architecture, the upkeep of buildings, and more. It’s not a huge difference in my eyes, but it is noticeable in some areas. The former West Berlin (occupied by Allied forces) has more modern buildings and that part of town looks more akin to what you would find in the better known cities I listed above. East Berlin (but not all of it) has more outdated parts to it. For example, some of the subway stations in East Berlin were like a blast out of the past. They were dark, dank, and looked like torture chambers. Some of these stations were actually blocked out and heavily guarded because they were West Berlin territory, and East Berliners weren’t allowed to get off at that station. These are called “ghost stations.” Can you imagine running a subway system in a city divided like this?

One of the ghost stations in Berlin - Nordbahnhof

Which brings me to my last point: the subway trains themselves were some of the most outdated-looking trains I’ve ever seen up to this point. People may complain about the condition of their own city’s subway trains, but I’d say it’s because they haven’t been on the U-Bahn. Berlin actually has two “systems”: the S-Bahn, which reaches out to the suburbs, and the U-Bahn, which is primarily within the city. They, however, do not share the same tracks or the same stations for that matter. Before I arrived, I was trying to figure out the subway so we would be able to get to our hostel from the airport. I was wondering if I had to buy separate tickets; unfortunately the transportation site is vague about that. However both can be used on the same ticket.

Musicians performing inside the subway for money.

The S-Bahn trains are actually up-to-date but the signages are terrible — as a newcomer, it was difficult to tell whether I was here or there and I got lost at least 4 times on it. Part of it can be attributed to the fact that all of the stops on the S-Bahn sounded exactly the same. However, the U-Bahn has better signages and we figured it out much quicker, but the trains — again — are outdated. I am not complaining, however, because they were kept pretty clean and functioned as they were supposed to. In a sense I would applaud the city because they have been able to keep such old trains functioning for so long, not wasting money by replacing them with trains that will break down again in a decade.

Artwork inside the Art House Tacheles (Kunsthaus Tacheles).

Another unique point about the subway system in Berlin is that using the train and purchasing tickets seem to be on some sort of honor system. You are required to buy a ticket, yes, but there are no turnstiles to make sure people aren’t cheating the system. You just buy a ticket, get it stamped once whether it is a one trip ticket or an all day pass, and be prepared to show it to station personnel if asked (which I’ve only been asked once during my entire stay there). So you could potentially not buy a ticket and hop on and off the train all day long if you wanted to, and hope nobody asked you for your ticket stub. The impression I got was that cheating the system isn’t a big problem, so why enforce it? It’s a good system because the public actually respects the property and the rules.

Artwork inside the Art House Tacheles (Kunsthaus Tacheles). Can you spot the Spock? : )

Next I’ll write about my time in Barcelona! Stay tuned…

Related posts:

1. Getting excited about 2012 travels!
2. Euro Trip 2012: London summary
3. Weekend tidbit 14: 2012 movies!

Guard at Buckingham Palace

It has been nearly 4 years since I’ve been anywhere significant outside of the country (I don’t count the Caribbean because it’s terribly close to home and the culture is somewhat similar to parts of South Florida). So of course, since early 2011, I decided it was high time to travel again and when I’d heard that my friend was spending a semester in London for her law school program, I knew I’d be in Europe again in 2012. When I found a $750 round trip ticket to London, the deal was sealed in my eyes; the last two times I’d been to Europe, one round trip ticket easily topped $1,000.

Pembridge Road, Notting Hill where I stayed

Getting to London took nearly 12 hours, 3 of which was a layover at John F. Kennedy airport. As a side note, I wish I had had time to go into the City, but alas it couldn’t be done on this trip. Although I like flying, I wasn’t really looking forward to spending 9 hours packed like sardines. But *ahem*, I made it, after a restless flight! Since I arrived at Heathrow Airport at 7:00am, the passport checkpoint was relatively empty and getting my visa was a breeze. I eventually got to Notting Hill, where I was staying, two hours later to drop off my luggage, and my friend and I headed a few blocks away to the Portobello Market to look at the goodies and to have breakfast.

I learned that London has a wide variety of outdoor markets that are open seven days a week. I wouldn’t really call them “flea markets” because they seemed to be mostly rows of brick and mortar craft stores on a single street that each also had a few tables of their wares outside on display. I didn’t really get the sense that any bargaining was allowed, hence the non-flea market feel. Nevertheless, I didn’t buy anything. After 15 minutes of walking down the street, my friend and I decided we were ready to eat, so we settled down at a charming little cafe.

Unfortunately, I didn’t take any pictures of this cafe, the food, or even Portobello Market, simply because I was tired from the long flight and I’d forgotten to bring my camera at that time. But trust me when I say the cafe was charming and the food — I had a bap with English breakfast tea since I’m not one to eat a huge breakfast, and my friend had an English breakfast with eggs, tomatoes, hash browns (to die for), and something else I can’t remember right now.

It also didn’t hurt that we were served by a Russian waiter who looked like he crawled out of a gladiator movie. My friend was taken with him and flirted some, until he learned we were on our way out of the UK since my friend was wrapping up her semester there. Oh well.

After strolling around for a few hours, and my friend picking up a Nutella-banana crêpe as well as picking up some items from a corner store (by the way, sweet/dessert crêpes are big in London), we headed back to her room after which I decided to take a short nap since I was sleep-deprived. I figured I could get some rest before the real sight seeing begins and I grabbed that opportunity.

Trafalgar Sqaure

After waking up and freshening up a bit, we headed out for dinner in the Soho section of London. Before the trip, I’d been hearing that London arguably had the best Indian food outside of India, so I knew I had to try it once I’d gotten there. Now I’ve never been a huge Indian food fan — I do like that the use a lot of spices in their food since I also come from a culture that makes liberal use of spices — but I’ve never really sought it out. Well, after visiting Gopal’s of London, let me say I’ve converted. I promise you that if you ever make it out to London, stop by this place, you will not regret it. The address is: 12 Bateman Street, Soho, London, W1D 4AH – Tel: 020 7434 0840 (map)

Once again, I’d forgotten my camera, so no pictures but I had the butter chicken (tandoori chicken cooked in butter), saag paneer (spinach cooked in Indian cottage cheese), served with a variety of Indian rice and some garlic naan (bread). It was divine! I couldn’t finish all of it however, so I took half home and ate it for dinner the next day because, unfortunately, London is extremely expensive. This particular dinner came up to about £22 or just over US$35, and I’d heard from my friend that this was a typical, regular-priced restaurant. For that reason, I actually did not eat out at many restaurants there. As a budget traveler I couldn’t afford to blow half of my money on food in London when I had two other cities to go to. That didn’t stop us from getting some gelato right near the Piccadilly Circus tube stop and I had a rhubarb crunch flavor. It was delish!

One of the shops at Camden Stables Market

The next day I started sightseeing on my own by getting on one of the hop-on-hop-off buses to get my bearings and to figure out what I really wanted to see up close since I only had limited time to see what I wanted to see. While on the tour, I passed by the changing of the guards occurring at Buckingham Palace, but did not get off since it was extremely crowded and I knew I wasn’t going to see much on the ground. I decided I would stroll by the Palace later when the crowds came down a bit.

Right after the tour, I had to get off at Trafalgar Square and take the tube to Euston Station to meet with my friend for lunch. We headed up to the Camden Market which is a quite interesting place. I really liked how quirky it was although I also did not buy anything there. This place had more of a flea market feel. After walking around for a couple of hours, we stopped by the food stands and have a lunch of salad, falafel, hummus, baba ganoush, and couscous for all of about £6! Woohoo. And after that had some chai at a popular tea chain called Yumchaa. This was all located at the Camden Lock Market, looking down at the West Yard. A map is here.

Camden Stables Market

After strolling around a bit more, my friend and I parted ways as she had to return to her room in order to continue studying for her last final as well as ship some of her books back to the States. I returned to my sightseeing by taking the tube down to Waterloo Station and strolling back up North, past the London Eye, over the Westminster Bridge, past the Parliament Building and Westminster Abbey and all the way up to Buckingham Palace and Green Park, finally ending at Hyde Park Corner. At that point, the sun was rapidly coming down and I was starting to get a bit hungry so I headed back to Notting Hill. My friend wanted to order some Italian take out so we walked around the Notting Hill area and came back to eat (I had my leftover Indian food).

The next day, I set out on foot to the Marble Arch, the Kensington Palace, looked around inside and walked in the Kensington Gardens, and finally headed out to Harrods because I’d heard they have an amazing international food court inside. Unfortunately, I didn’t buy anything because the prices were — unsurprisingly — to rich for me, but it was a sight to see! I then took the tube to the Tottenham Court Road stop so I could get to the British Museum. I had a difficult time finding it for some reason, so I didn’t get there but I ended up strolling around that area.

Westminster Abbey, Big Ben, and the London Eye (Ferris wheel)

In any case, I had to head back to Notting Hill because we had to check out by 7pm and start heading to Stansted Airport an hour away for the next leg of our trip. I moved some of my clothes to the carry on I had, opting to leave my slightly larger luggage in the boarding house’s storage room (in hindsight, I’m glad I did!), checked out, and went out with our luggage to wait for a coach to the airport. While waiting, we had dinner — I some eggplant parmigiana and my friend macaroni baked with truffle oil. She also stopped by another place afterwards to have some coffee and a chocolate cake. After that we got onto a National Express Coach for £8 to Stansted, where we camped out for the night in order to make it to our 7am flight to Berlin!

Overall impression of London? Besides the obvious fact that three days is not enough to see everything or really, truly enjoy London, I would have to say that London did not really stick out to me in any sort of unique way. Furthermore, I thought it was too expensive (says the girl who loves New York). I definitely did enjoy it, however, and I would come back again (and again) just so I can really discover the more hidden gems of the city. Lots of people love the British accent and all things British, but I’m not one of those people who is completely bowled over by any of that. On the other hand, I do appreciate British history and I also recognize that Great Britain was a much bigger, more aggressive force than the “cutesy” little country that many Americans consider it to be today. As for the argument London vs. NYC argument I sometimes hear, well, my vote’s still with NYC, but again — my 3 days experience isn’t really saying much.

One of Queen Victoria's dresses. I didn't realize how tiny she was...

I can’t really speak for the food, since I didn’t eat much British fare, but the few things that I did have were great (there are a few small things I did not mention in this post). I don’t think the food world gives British cuisine much credit, which is why I came in with the impression that British food was totally bland at best. Not true: its flavors are simple but still very good.

As for the London Underground, which I utilized everyday, I found it to be very good and had little problems getting around. The cost of using the Underground is at least 2 to 3 times more expensive than that of NYC’s metro system, however, the Underground is cleaner and less crowded (and, yes, far less crazies). I did notice that the Underground had this weird system of using “zones” (Barcelona also had this system). Since the U.S. subway systems I’d used did not have “zones,” I found it confusing and probably ended up spending more on my fare by including all the zones on it, just because I didn’t know which stops were included in which zones and I didn’t want to bother figuring it out. In hindsight, it actually wasn’t as confusing as I thought (at least not in London), but I still thought the “zone” concept was a waste.

The one thing that half-irritated me about London (and by extension, most of Europe since I’d been there two times before and encountered the same problem in other countries) is how early everything closes. I say half-irritated because I am not the kind of person who would normally choose to wander around late at night anyway, and had I been living in Europe long term, I probably wouldn’t have batted an eye at all. I also like that it is a very fair way to treat workers, compared to the American mentality of being open 24/7. I mean, it really sucks that American companies (especially retail) make people work so much and on holidays. But as someone trying to see as much as possible in 3 days and traveling at very early and very late hours and not being able to stop and get something quick to eat or drink, it’s a little annoying but I lived. In a similar vein, the Tube is also not open 24/7, which I found surprising for a world class city. But then and again, London is pretty dead at night as I discovered even more so on my way back to the States.

View of Buckingham Palace and the Victoria Memorial from Canada Gate

In all, London is a pretty nice city … but at this point in time, I was pretty curious about the next city — Berlin — which I’ll get to that in the next post! To be continued…

Related posts:

1. Getting excited about 2012 travels!
2. Eurotrip 2012: Berlin (photo heavy)
3. Weekend tidbit 16: The Silver Spoon and other cooking books