@ Amit: Welcome, and thanks for stopping by! Like you, I am not a fan of the word ‘control’ because I’ve never really felt in control anyway and I feel sometimes like it is an uphill battle. And the free will you mention … a paradox, indeed it is.

@ Ralph: I’ve also heard that phrase, too, and it does come handy in many situations. In the end, at some point, we’re going to have to face the world and make decisions, right? Thanks for your comment!

@ Royce: Ah, it’s been a while! I remember seeing you on my old blog. Thought I lost ya! And I really like that quote. I’ve heard it in many variations (to be yourself, that is), but not quite like that.
Here’s to another great year of blogging! I’ll have to stop by your blog more often.

“The early Hassidic sage Rabbi Zusya once said, “When I reach the next world, God will not ask me, ‘Why were you not Moses?’ Instead, he will ask me, ‘Why were you not Zusya?’ ”

I believe the quote and subsequent discussion came via Martin Buber, though I’d have to check. The purpose of this lesson was to demonstrate “the particular way” each person is given to happiness, fulfillment, etc. Not by copying the exact paths of their forebears, but by becoming who they themselves are meant to be.

I enjoyed your post Valerie, keep them coming in 2010.

-Royce
Royce´s last blog ..Weekend Comedy 12/28

Well this is my first comment here and loving the post! I don’t like the word control and I’ve never been a fan of it. Losing control, in my world, is ok, some of the time…in same cases I think it’s good. I do believe I can choose how I respond to events, people, places etc…however I know I can’t control the. I do believe there is an ultimate system of control that is powered by free will….a paradox I love!
Amit Sodha – The Power Of Choice´s last blog ..4 Years And 6 Key Lessons From Blogging

Being in control or not, it does not matter, as long as we detach from it.

I used to be really hard on myself too – I’d beat myself up if I felt I underperformed or made a mistake. Now, I simply have standards, but it’s not like I beat myself up if I don’t meet them. I just get back on the proverbial horse and try harder next time. I don’t think any less of myself because I didn’t meet my standards that ONE time – I know my own value. I don’t judge myself for making mistakes and “reacting” to a situation in the wrong way. If I see room for improvement, I just go out and DO it the next time ’round, that’s all.

It’s tough to reconcile the beliefs of total self-control and the ability to let go when things go wrong, but it IS possible, in a sense.

The problem is that the advice to have “total self-control” and to be able to “let go” come from two totally different places. When Bud is giving his advice to people to take personal responsibility at all times, these people are coming from a place of lower personal responsibility than, say, you or I (for the sake of the argument). Since they give their power away a lot, Bud is telling them not to and exercise their personal responsibility. On the other hand, when people tell us to let go, they are addressing us, who may take on TOO MUCH responsibility and control the uncontrollable. The two pieces of advice come from different sides of the spectrum…

The ultimate goal is to find the middle ground, where we take personal control over everything we can control, and accept everything else without resistance and just let go of it.

I hope this all made sense and helped you out! We’re on the same page, but we just have different ways of expressing it.
Brett – DareToExpress.com´s last blog ..4 More Ways to Identify Your Inner Champion

Hahaha, well sorry for the fried brains … I’ll try and “control” myself next time

I really have nothing against Bud and anything he said in his post. Reading it did trigger my thoughts about a common theme I see in many personal development blogs, which is as I’ve said, throwing around the total self-control bit. I kind of disagree that true self-esteem is completely immune from external factors, but yea, you have a point … people with more self-esteem are far less affected by it. I also get you on knowing what to control and what not to control.

I think my problem is this: as someone who strongly believes in personal responsibility, I sometimes blame myself hard when something goes wrong. Just like how some people heavily blame everyone else, I will completely blame myself, because I’m supposed to be in “control” of my actions and reactions at all times. What I’m trying to get at is … sometimes personal responsibility is about letting go, and not always being in control of reactions and having the perfect reactions to everything. If you’re responsible enough not to blame others, then you should extend courtesy to yourself … if that makes any sense. You have to be willing to forgive yourself just as you can forgive others.

I’m not disagreeing that we can control our actions, thoughts, and emotions, but they are definitely not controllable all the time (unless you are some kind of super human). Sometimes not being in control of that or even NOT being ready for anything is okay. Lots of people beat themselves over that. But what’s the point if you’re ready for everything and anything at anytime? Do you seriously know anyone like that? Is worry something you can completely eliminate? Is worry always a bad thing? Even the best investors can panic, make a mistake, and not be ready for something. It doesn’t make them any less of an investor.