One of the hardest things in the world is quitting something or someone that has the ability to make you feel so amazing but you know is no good for you. So very hard.
How do you quit something you love? How do you quit someone you love?
I used to wonder why people would keep doing stuff that was literally ruining their lives and keep making the same mistakes over and over. I used to wonder why people would keep taking the wrong person back again and again. I wonder why they couldn’t quit the person, and why they thought that settling for being in the sidelines is better that than not being there at all.
I used to wonder what was going on in their heads. What were they thinking? Were they insane? Were they ignorant? Why were they self-sabotaging? Why can’t they see what’s happening right under their noses?
My mistake is I try to analyze everything in a logical, rational way. But it’s not rational, never 100% rational. In a battle between rational and emotional, rational almost always takes the back seat; we just never want to admit it. Take it or leave it. Nothing short of death is ever clear. Everything is in the eye of the beholder.
Now I totally understand. I may not condone it, but I understand. Nowadays when I see that stuff I keep my mouth shut and hope that they find the courage and the strength to quit it and stay away. My knee jerk reflex is to tell them to quit, but I’m finding that harder to do because I know better. I know because I had the courage to quit and I know that quitting is just as hard as staying, if not harder.
The price of loving something or someone more than you love yourself – so much that you always need it/them around to validate your aliveness– is high. The price of loving yourself enough not to play a hand in your own self-destruction is higher. And the price of loving something or someone so much that you’re willing to let them go is beyond even that.
Nothing is ever free and many people aren’t willing to pay. So they pay as low as they can get away with. Sometimes, it is all they can spiritually afford.
My mouth opens but nothing comes out anymore. Words aren’t enough.
I just hope that they find some peace, their brand of peace, just as I am searching for mine. I hope that they can look up at the sky for a minute and soak in some rays. Even for a little bit. Peace comes in many shapes and forms, even if it’s an island surrounded by confusion, regret, and emotional turmoil. I can’t tell you how to find it. I can’t tell you what it looks like.
But I can say this: Love as hard as you’re able but never give up on finding your brand of peace. Never stop believing it is there, waiting to be found. Never, ever. No matter where you are at in your life.
Related posts:
- [Spirituality month] Ditch the “sin” word from your vocabulary – permanently
- [Spirituality month] The beginnings of exploring spirituality and religion
- Thoughts on how to start loving freely and without expecations
- [Spirituality month] Distinguishing between intuition and indoctrination
- [Spirituality month] General thoughts on making time for spirituality
