My father used to always say: “Show me who your friends are and I’ll tell you who you are.”
Granted this isn’t the most original statement, but I’ve found it to be true time and time again. At first I always thought of it in more obvious terms. If you’re friends are criminals, then chances are you are as well. If your friends are extremely successful, then you probably are too. But most people aren’t that extreme. I’m slowly learning how people can hold you down in ways that are very subtle.
Are you friends with people who rarely show up on time, frequently cancel meet-ups on a whim, or say yes when they really mean no (or vice versa)?
Do your friends have an apparent inability to think out of the box even if you offer new ideas? (Visit a new place we’ve never been? Learn a new skill? Nawww, I’d rather go clubbing at X or Y. Then finish it off by getting wasted at Z.)
Are your friends quick to point out the problems in their lives but helplessly just wait around for the solutions instead of being proactive about it?
If your friends do any of these things, chances are you do them as well. And if you’re quick to complain about these faults in your friends, be careful because your friends could be pointing out the same faults in you. Oddly enough, when this is brought to light no one wants to take responsibility for their behavior. We’re all hypocrites, pretty much.
Don’t beat yourself up yet if that sounds like you.
It’s a fact that people will change and the first step towards change is awareness. But awareness isn’t enough. You will need to put that awareness to work and start doing something to change your circumstances. You need to change your attitude, change your behavior, and change your standards to attract similar-minded people.
You’ll have to start distancing yourself from people who are only interested in the status quo. They’re probably holding you down. It may be unintentional, but that’s no excuse to give them power over your personal growth. You’ll need to start building new relationships with a group of people who all work to uplift each other.
It’s not easy. I know because I’m going through it. This summer has just been one big, nasty growing pain for me. I’ve grown so much mentally and spiritually this year and I’m eager to share my experiences with those I care about. I’m eager to learn from them as well. Imagine my disappointment when I find that many of these same people are only interested in sticking to old arguments and old ways. I’m not looking for excuses. I’m looking for opportunities, options, solutions.
First, I tried to be nice, accepting. Then I became more aggressive and persuasive. Finally I got frustrated. And irritable. I’ve lashed out at some people. I’ve shut down on others. I know I’ve been less than perfect but my intentions were good. Except I forgot one little thing: nothing I say or do can make them see my viewpoint especially if that’s not what they’re looking for.
Today I’m still irritated. But at least now I have the comfort of understanding that it’s within my power to un-irritate myself.
It’s a common saying that your environment plays a huge part in the way you think and the things you do. As you can tell I will be the first person to say that my friends have hugely impacted my thoughts and behavior. Because I let them. I am them. They are me. But no matter how true it is, it’s a cop-out to let it dictate where you’re going in life.
We need to remember that environment is NOT static. Only you have the power to change your environment and make it conducive to continuing your growth and achieving your desires.
If the soil is dry and barren, are you going to keep planting your seeds there hoping something will grow? Or are you going to do something to actively increase your chances of having a bountiful harvest?
Errr, yea. You better get up off your tush and find a better area to plant OR you better get your hands dirty in some manure* and replenish that soil. If you hate the smell of manure, you better learn to love it like you love your Grandma’s [insert signature dish here]. Because shit will happen, pun intended. And sometimes it will hurt your pride. But at least you’ll probably be full the day after Thanksgiving.
If you ask me, that is way better than smelling good and starving to death. Hey, don’t take my word for it, I’m biased.
*I mean that figuratively, of course. Anyway I don’t think your friends will like the taste of manure.
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