The (slightly) evil person’s guide to being annoyingly laid-back (and reducing stress while you’re at it)

So, obviously I’m on a roll with the stress-free talk and with good reason. So before I get tired of talking about stress altogether, I’ve decided I’m going to be true to myself and reveal some slightly un-PC (politically correct) tactics to reducing stress.

As social creatures, all of us should strive to be friendly and cultivate a social circle of friends/family members who support each other. Everyone is worthy of a respect and a listening ear.

… Really?? Respect, maybe. But a listening ear? Dare I say sometimes it’s more respectful to NOT listen. (Bear with me… I’ll explain in a moment.)

Some people will bring you down with the negativity. Then you get stressed out and add on to the already overbearing amount of unnecessary stress in the world. What good does that do?

Damage control: Recognizing (and beating) the subtle forms of stress

I usually give people the benefit of the doubt. I assume most people want to be positive, want the best, and are willing to work for it. I want to believe that people dislike stress and will do everything they can to avoid unnecessary stress. Unfortunately, it doesn’t always work like that. Over time patterns start emerging and if you’re aware, you can catch them before they start influencing you.

Here common types of people (or people with patterns) who can and will stress you out, even if you don’t have a reason to be.

• People who always have something to complain about but do nothing about it. These people are also great for shooting down every suggestion you have. No amount of positive talk can deter most of these dream-crushers. You have three choices. Get away from them, limit your time around them, or be so unrelentingly positive that it ticks them off and they avoid YOU. Because you’re clearly off your rocker and you don’t deserve any of their attention and oh-so-useful advice.
• Anal-retentive people who always have to be in control. This includes perfectionists and control freaks. On one hand, you have people who complain and do nothing. Then you have people who volunteer to do everything (or ask you to do something) and then complain endlessly about it anyway. I don’t know who I can’t stand more, but it doesn’t matter. Being around them too much will raise your blood pressure, simply because nothing will ever be perfect. The solution? Just keep telling them not to worry about whatever it is they’re worrying about, and they’ll usually get tired of complaining to you. My favorite comebacks without being outright rude? “It’s not a big deal,” “everything will fall into place,” and “you’ll be alright.” Then sit back and watch them froth in the mouth with frustration they don’t need to have.
• People who look for drama and attention (which is synonymous, anyway). I know someone who does stuff just to get attention and then walks around telling everyone about it, to get even more attention. We all know at least one person like this. Whenever I encounter these people, I just act like whatever they tell me is the most normal thing in the world. I don’t get excited and I keep it short. “Oh, you set a goat on fire and catapulted it from the top of a building onto your cheating ex’s brand new $100,000 sports car? Sweet. You know… I could use a turkey taco right about now… what do you think? Oh and do you happen to have any Tabasco on you?” There’s only one catch: you’ll have to work on your poker face. 

How do I know these tactics work? Cause it worked on me! Cause I was getting dismissed and ignored for far too long, then it hit me that maybe I’m the problem! Be more ‘caring’? Be a ‘good listener’? Pfff… gimme a break!

Isolated complaints vs. self-destructing thought patterns

Now, I realize that I’m being a little snarky here. I hope you realize I’m (half) kidding… right? RIGHT?

Okay, so… complaining DOES stem from somewhere, and sometimes with good reason. I don’t dismiss people simply because they have a complaint (I’m not that anti-social), but I do recognize patterns and act accordingly. I also don’t necessarily drop friends just because they have a negative thought pattern, but I don’t allow myself to get sucked into their drama once I realize that they’re just going to keep complaining no matter what.

This means putting some distance between myself and certain people. And the best way to do it is by being annoyingly laid-back. Seriously.

Hell, yeah, I’m a good listener. You better ask somebody.

Sounds kinda passive-aggressive? Maybe. But not all passive-aggressiveness is bad. Especially since most people won’t learn until they don’t have a choice. People hate criticism and telling them exactly what you think their problem is just makes them even more defensive and thus more negative… which is exactly what’s not needed on both sides.

As long as negative talk and pointless complaining continue to be reinforced by others, people will continue to be negative or look for someone to complain to. Being a good listener is great… if you’re aware of what you’re listening to. Or if you’re listening to a genuine concern. Otherwise, you’re just perpetrating the cycle. If you want to start some change, make sure it starts with you.

Don’t give people a reason to see you as their personal trash can… because that’s what they’re doing… they’re throwing all their crap at you. To make it worse, it just ends up leaving everybody deep in crap instead of transferring the crap from one person to another.

Look on the bright side

If people know they can’t count on you to engage in pointless negative talk, they will either leave you alone (effectively weeding themselves out until they come to their senses… IF that ever happens) or you’ll start seeing a more positive, pleasant side of them. I’ve found that, for me, the latter case happens a lot and at that point people become more receptive.

When you start having more respect for yourself and you define for yourself what kind of talk you will or will not tolerate, it makes your life easier and it makes it easier for other people to know how to act around you.

This doesn’t mean you have to go around telling people you will not tolerate their complaints… then you’ll just look like a complete arse. The point is to be the opposite: laid-back and calm (but proactive). It’s all about you creating a presence, or a personal brand, that relaxes people and allows you to attract the right friends.

Although, personally, sometimes I just can’t help myself with the sarcasm…

Readers: How do you cope with negative folks? Do you help perpetrate the cycle?

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Related posts:

1. Keeping it to myself (saying no to unnecessary comments)
2. If you don't have a solution, don't bother complaining.
3. Get rid of dead weight: Channel frustration into creative ideas into action
4. Closing the door on closure
5. Obligatory post in which I babble about authenticity, imperfection, negativity, and then somehow throw Thanksgiving into the mix.

Tagged as: positive friendships, positive relationships, reducing stress, stress