I hereby pronounce you and Facebook formally divorced.
So yea, I quit Facebook.
I’ve never been public about my profile because I’ve always seen Facebook as a way to keep in touch with my closest friends. But lately Facebook is getting too big for its britches. I began to think what life would be like without Facebook. After just over four years of being a loyal prostitute to my social media pimp, it was actually scary thing to process. I’ve had good memories and bad. But now what? What would happen? Will I lose touch with all my friends?
Well, I finally found the courage and I did it. I pulled the plug. (Now why do I feel like a dirty crackhead? Or a battered woman?)
I have lots of reasons for quitting. Here are the major ones:
1. “I use Facebook to keep in touch with close friends and family..” … well, what close friends and family? Chances are if they’re close, they aren’t contacting me on Facebook. They’re either e-mailing me, texting me, or talking to me in person. Obviously I didn’t get close to my ‘close friends’ by holding a Wall conversation (or by sharing Mafia Wars invites) with them … and I’ll continue to be close to them with or without a Wall. Which brings me to my next point …
2. Ever since my friends and I graduated from college, our Facebook usage has decreased drastically. I could still try and contact them on it. But I’d have better success getting my cat to do his business in the toilet and flush it afterwards, completely eliminating the need to shovel crap like a sewage worker. I will be long dead, six feet underground, before I get a response via Facebook from some of them.
3. As for the rest of the people on my friend list, I haven’t talked to them in months, if not years. If we do “talk,” it’s probably the most shallow form of communication I’ve ever experienced. There’s absolutely zero exchange of meaningful information and little chance of building the relationship. In fact, they probably forgot I’m on their friend list and will continue to forget (as will I).
4. In essence Facebook is a spying tool, especially since the News Feed came online. And a time-draining one at that. There’s no question why people who wouldn’t talk to you in person are quick to add you on Facebook. Because they’re nosy as all get out. And also maybe to make it sound like they are ridiculously popular. But the spying is the icing on the cake. How many relationships and friendships have been destroyed (and people killed!?) because someone is poking around and stirring up unnecessary drama on Facebook?
Now I’m not going to lie. I can be a nosy person also. I’ve looked at plenty of pictures, I’ve read many statuses, and I’ve scanned through tons of notes. But I’ve also found myself sitting in front of a computer screen for hours on an end looking at stuff from people I’m not even real-life friends with. And asking myself why? How is this helping me in any way? I hate celebrity gossip or any kind of gossip, so how is this any different?
5. Facebook is way too noisy. It’s not nearly as bad as MySpace (which I also quit a long time ago) but it’s a close second. No, I don’t care how many vampires you killed, how many Soul Glo kits you won, or how many crops the locusts ate on your ‘farm’. Yes, you, who I haven’t talked to in two years and yet I know more about “What Kind of Sunglasses Are You” than what you like to do for fun. Believe me, I’m aware of the hiding feature and I’ve tried it … in vain. They (whoever you are, darn it) literally come up with applications faster than I can hide them.
Those are my reasons. I probably could have just quit signing on. But what’s the point? I figured I’d stop the foolishness right at the source. I wouldn’t fix a leaking boat with a band-aid, right? At least I’m not likely to get the urge to sign on again. Unless I’m crazy enough to reactivate my account. I officially declare myself in Facebook Rehab. Feel free to join me. Or not.
R.I.P Facebook Account
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