Why I won’t write about Valentine’s Day (then turn around and unabashedly ignore my own convictions)

Yea, I know … I’m such a hypocrite. Because this is about Valentine’s Day. So for you people who just want a break from all those sappy posts that clog up the blogosphere at this time of the year, look elsewhere.

Or sit for a spell and prepare to be delighted. Humor me.

I realize Valentine’s Day is pretty much THE holiday that you love or hate. There isn’t a middle ground for most people. People complain that it’s too commercialized and too fake, or that it discriminates against men, or that we need to be showing our love every day (but then we don’t). Some people believe it’s just a brag fest. Others say that it simply serves as a great reminder to show others you love them.

And at the risk of sounding contradictory, I agree with all of those things.

You judge: A social experiment – good idea or asking for trouble?

I recently had an interesting conversation with a friend of mine who wanted to try out a social experiment. He wanted to wait until the very last minute, 11:55 pm, on Valentine’s Day before presenting his girlfriend with gifts and the like. The (brilliant, may I add — whether I’m being sarcastic or not, I’ll leave to you) idea was that the girl would be angry and in tears … but would be pleasantly surprised and relieved at the end.

I guess this is his idea of being the knight of shining armor who saves the damsel-in-distress during the 13th hour. Hey, I won’t knock it. It’s not a terrible idea in theory. He certainly didn’t think so. But I warned him he’d better watch his arse because there’s a very good chance that won’t fly over too well. And that when if he falls flat on his face, I will be the first in line to point and laugh help him up.

(In my defense, this friend is particularly mischeivous and we’re always, I mean always, egging on each other. A girl needs to defend herself sometimes … and besides, HE started it! But, I digress.)

So whose side do you take here? I can see both sides of the story, but the jury’s out until I find myself in that situation.

Valentine’s Day: Validation on steroids

That conversation really did bring up a lot of points, though. I mean, duh, that’s why I’m writing about it on here right? This is a blog about introspection. And growth. And all that cute, fluffy stuff.

Basically it made me wonder what our motives really are when it comes to finding love and our motives behind expecting things for Valentine’s Day. I understand that, as humans, we have an innate desire to connect with others and share love … but that’s not the issue here.

My issue is with all the ‘extra’ stuff that we seem to expect. It does seem like we want all these things to prove to the world that “Hey, I’m normal too! I have a significant other who obviously loves me because (s)he showers me with all this crap I don’t need!”

Don’t get me wrong. In many ways, I’m a typical girl. Yes, I am a little rough around the edges. I do try to keep an open mind and I try to avoid reacting on my emotions too quickly. But I’m still a romantic at heart and if I were the girlfriend in my friend’s social experiment, I do admit I probably would have been irked (at least initially). I do like validation every now and then. So, I won’t lie to myself there.

We’re missing out on the real thing

Really, though. Are all the ‘extras’ necessary? We really ought to sit down from time to time and remind ourselves what love really is about … whether it’s love towards a family member, a friend, or a significant other. In our quest for all the ‘extras’ … the superficial, meaningless ‘tokens of love’ … do we end up completely missing the pure actions of true love? Of course we do, if we look at all the failed relationships around us.

I believe that love isn’t as extravagant as we’d like to believe … love is all the little things that constantly pass under our radar until we stop getting distracted by fool’s gold and start living in the present.

What does Valentine’s Day really mean to you?

I think Valentine’s Day doesn’t have to be a day of agony for people at all, whether you’re (un)happily single or in a relationship. And, yes, that includes all you guys who’d love to see Valentine’s Day blown off the calendar altogether. Before you buy some “nucular” bombs, just calm downfor a minute.

It’s definitely nice to get things from people you love … but it’s much nicer if you know you got something because the person wanted to get it for you. Instead of focusing on what people “should” get you for Valentine’s Day, just focus on what it means to you and validate yourself by expressing your belief, regardless of what happens.

Make it your own holiday with its own meaning. No matter what you think, Kay’s Jewelers and 1-800-Flowers don’t have a 100% stake on Valentine’s Day unless you let them.

Even better yet, create your own holiday. I think that would TOTALLY rock.

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Related posts:

1. Thoughts on how to start loving freely and without expecations
2. How to deal with people who like their space
3. No, your friends won’t be better if you feed them manure.
4. Being an amazing friend (and why you need to move beyond technology)
5. Obligatory post in which I babble about authenticity, imperfection, negativity, and then somehow throw Thanksgiving into the mix.

Tagged as: expectations, love, positive relationships