If you have a ton of interests like I have, it’s highly impractical to become an expert at every single thing you come across. In fact, you’re probably not interested in becoming an expert at everything, so why try?
I’ve mentioned in a recent post that modern-day da Vincis (people with “Fake ADHD”) are interested in so many things and often think the quantity of interests is the problem. But they also tend to not know what they are really looking for, so they assume they need to master every interest. But this is as far from the truth as you can get.
Figure out what stands out to you in each interest or project you take up
Society has an unwritten rule that you’re supposed to finish everything you start, with “finish” meaning master something and stick to it. Ironically, most people don’t finish most of what they start, and with good reason. They are only really interested in a few things and have a passive interest in a few other things.
People with “Fake ADHD” have a large interest in many things and often don’t seem to ever finish what they start. As a result they come off as even bigger failures.
In “Refuse to Choose,” Barbara Sher talks about how many of us are looking for something very specific when we undertake an interest. Once we get that, we’re rightly ready to move on to the next thing. In essence, you’re finished when you get what you need, even if it appears to be unfinished by someone else. The key is figuring out what you’re looking for.
Not “finishing” something isn’t exactly the same as quitting
I previously wrote another article on how quitting isn’t bad if you know why you’re quitting. The same thing applies here, except you’re not quitting.
Quitting is when you start something with the intention of going all the way or in this case, reaching point B. You give it your all and realize it’s a losing battle, so you quit without ever reaching point B.
Not “finishing” is when you start something, get to your chosen Point C (which is something less than going all the way or mastering it) and leave.
For instance, a few months ago I found a work-at-home opportunity. I’ve always been interested in finding alternative ways for making money other than clocking in at a 9-to-5 job. However, with this opportunity, I knew I wasn’t going to be in it for the long run. I just wanted to prove to myself that there are in fact legitimate work-at-home opportunities. If this one gig worked out, then who knows what else I could do!
I applied, got an offer, and put in a few hours of work. I only made chump change from it, since I decided I got what I needed and stopped working. I learned a little about the process and proved to myself I could find legitimate work-at-home work (the money is the proof). I had no interest in going further with it because it was a dead-end job and my life didn’t depend on me continuing, so why should I? I can use that time to focus on better opportunities to learn and make money.
Not everything has to be mastered, regardless of what you think
I’m not advocating being a total slacker or not “finishing” anything. Sometimes you do have to suck it up and finish. If you signed a contract to do work with a person you discover you hate and you really need the money because the rent is due in two weeks, heck yea, you have to finish!
But if you have a lot of interests, there’s no harm in dabbling in all of them with no intention of mastering them all. Think about some of the goals and interests you have. Here are some examples:
Learning a foreign language. Most people never reach complete fluency in a new language after a certain age (although you can try). Fortunately, most people just want a working knowledge of it. If you’re going to Spain in 3 months, maybe you’re just interested in learning enough to get around. After that point, there’s no reason to become fluent if that’s not what you want. At least with a little regular practice, you’ll still understand conversational Spanish. Not a bad skill to have, without all the extra hassle!
Understanding and experimenting with art. You like art. A lot. Maybe you even paint a little yourself. Maybe you have an Etsy store selling your work. Maybe you’re interested in art history. It doesn’t mean you have to be an expert if all you’re interested in is creating a few pieces every now and then as a way to relax or earn side income.
Learning a new dance style. You’re not training for a world renown dance competition. Instead you’re just looking for a way to be more flexible, gain confidence, spice up a relationship, or just get some exercise. Do you really need to master it and spend 5 hours every day practicing?
Who cares if other people think you’re not finished
Other people are not you. They aren’t thinking the same way and they aren’t looking for the same things. The only thing you need to know is when you get what you wanted, you’re finished. And to do that, you need to know what you’re looking for. It takes a lot of pressure off you and allows you to pursue all of your interests. If you’d like more material on how to put it all together, I highly recommend reading “Refuse to Choose.” (I just can’t help it that I really like that book!)
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{ 13 comments… read them below or add one }
Heya Valerie!
I tend to do this a lot, start with things and just stop half way through, because I lose interest. In some cases this can be good, but in others bad (like business projects). I have many books that I only read 3/4 and never finished. Luckily with my blog I don’t have any plans or desires to quit just yet, and actually want to work harder at it, especially since I have the 1000 reader challenge going on
Just subscribed to this blog
Have an awesome day!
D
Diggy – Upgradereality.com´s last blog ..What you can learn from the day I was hijacked at gun-point
This is very well written blog as usual Valerie. I very much enjoyed this.
The perception of what life is miss understood by the majority of people. They are constantly following and comparing. Their sense of success comes from how they are doing not on their own level or their goals but by the level of success their peers are at.
When they have a small house and a fuel efficient car and their neighbor has a big house and a new BMW M3. They feel that they are less of a success but they are better then other people. So they are satisfied that they are getting by because they are better then a lot of people.
Obviously it is about competition and more specifically ego vs ego. People who have a higher understanding of life, care less about the useless things in life. Expenses things don’t mean anything to them.
I think that people go through to school and get a job because everyone lse does it and even though they don’t want it or don’t like it. They get through it, waiting for the weekend to unwind and then every Monday go back to a depressing life.
With this understanding we can realize that people don’t follow goals, they just go through the “motion” of life and define their success on how they are doing.
Those who want something else and look, quit because there is a lack of results. It is always about the long term and consistency. Why for example do people play the lottery, it is a losing game.
It can be beat however, but it would take thousands of years. The odds to match 6 numbers out of 49 is 1/14 million. The avg start of the jackpot is 3 million. In the long term you pay the lottery company. Even those who do win tend to go broke after 5 years after winning.
In my opinion people do not look at themselves and understand but instead compare themselves to others.
The problem with that is that you are not satisfying your needs but the needs of others. Be it your parents, peers, friend spouse or whatever.
People need to learn to quit, learn why it will fail or failed and move along. Everyone is in the mentality that everyone is in a race, going around a track and every time they fall they are now behind everyone else and need to catch up. People do it with credit or loans or crime.
The key is there is no race going on, we just created one. The richest people in the world are sitting in the stands of that race and enjoying their great life while the majority run around.
Robert Kiyosaki called it the “rat race”
It all comes down to being responsible for yourself and to do something with your life, the way you need to.
Great post.
***
Mac
Check out my latest blog Powered Blog Passion
Thanks
Valerie, I linked my blog wrong. If you could edit that or somthing.
Here is the proper link. (Other one had http twice)
Power Passion Blog
Sorry
Mac
Mac´s last blog ..Part 1/3: Evolve Your Needs
@ Diggy: Tell me about it. I was saying to Oscar the other day that I have anywhere up to 10 books I’m reading all at the same time. Some of them I lose interest, but most of them I inted to finish. I’m working more on the commitment thing (I’m definitely not stopping my blog any time soon), but I’ll still leave something if I see there’s no point to it.
@ Mac: I fixed your link. No worries
Oh yea, keeping up with the Jones’ and comparing yourself with others is a biiiiig, beyond big problem. And in my opinion, it’s the only reason why the rat race exists. People say they need the big job and the big title to ’survive’ but for the most part, they really need a way to fund all the junk they feel will impress other people and society as a whole. Despite the inflation going on right now, I don’t think it takes nearly as much money as people think it does to “survive.” Achieving financial independence (making enough to survive and then some without relying on someone else) is another story, which I won’t get into here. But yea … people who can see past the comparison, whether they are rich or poor, I think are a lot happier overall.
Wow… finally somebody who sees where I’m coming from!
But seriously, sometimes not finishing what you started is less detrimental than finishing to begin with. Sometimes when can see the ship going down per se, it’s better to get off sooner than later. You know it’s going down, so the longer you hang on board, the more time you’re wasting for nothing.
I also notice that in our times it seems like a lot of people enjoy living vicariously through others; causing them to take it personally when you stop something, in their eyes, prematurely. A lot of parents are like that of course, but it often goes even deeper. Even though it’s a bit blunt, whenever somebody criticizes me for not following through on something, I usually have to question them over the fact that if they care so much for it, why aren’t they doing it themselves?
Like you said, people get stuck in keeping up with the Jones’, but often times they don’t even know why. If someone gets stuck living vicariously through me that’s all fine and well, but they can’t complain when I make a choice that they don’t like!
Instead of living through others, I think people would be much happier blazing their own trail and doing whatever it is that THEY like, not simply abiding by society and “grinding it out” just because that’s what’s expected of them.
Anyways… the first half of this comment seems like it made some sense, but after I that I sort of veered off into unknown territory
But hey, no going back now!
Travis´s last blog ..Products
I’m a HUGE fan of Barbara Sher! My first book I read by her is I could do ANYTHING if I i only knew what it was. My problem with a book like that is that I see a little of myself in every persona, then I can never choose which best fits me, so I never know which area to tackle?
Okay, excuses, excuses. I like this article, very well written and informative. Happy Monday!
@ Travis: I am intimately aware of people (namely parents) living through other people. Intimately (yes, I had to say it twice). LOL. I like the image you used of getting off the sinking ship sooner or later. It’s perfect! I’m stealing it.
Don’t worry, I ramble too when I write (hence the looooooong comment I wrote on your blog, lol)
@ Brian: You knew about Barbara and you didn’t tell me sooner?? I should pinch you!
I get what you’re saying about seeing yourself in every persona. I sort of felt like that with “Refuse to Choose.” But all the suggestions she had were great regardless of whether I was confused about which category I fall in. Maybe you should dabble in different areas and solutions without thinking, flip a coin or something. If it sucks, trash it. If it works, more power to you!
Thanks for stopping by, Brian. Glad to see you here
Hi Valerie, right now I’m trying to start less thing to avoid this problem, but I totally agree that it’s ok to stop doing what we don’t like to do anymore.
Oscar – freestyle mind´s last blog ..10,000 Euros/Month September Update
@ Oscar: Thanks for the comment. Yea, doing stuff you don’t like just for the sake of finishing can be like beating a dead cow sometimes.
I’ve been pondering about ADHD because I have a very wide range of hobbies and love to jump around instead of choosing one thing and running with it. I’ve been consciously working to improve my focus and to concentrate on few things instead of my typical wide variety approach.
But it’s a nice reminder that it’s ok to be myself.
Ken
@ Ken: Welcome, and thanks for the comment!
I’ve definitely been on the same boat as you wondering is I had some kind of attention problem. The problem definitely is not you. It’s just a challenge being extremely curious in a world of people that are self-absorbed and locking themselves into a tiny little bubble.